My goodness, Tiger Woods has really done it this time. He's really messed it up for me and every other philandering man out there.
It sucks, not being able to cheat on the wife or girlfriend I don't have. For example, I walked out of a club the other night, full of hotties, alone and even without a phone number. And frankly, at times I didn't feel like I had to. You might call that striking out. I call it being faithful to a woman I'm not even married to yet. Whoever that may be.
As I sat in the automobile, ready to drive home and masturbate again, I thought to myself, "John, you're it. You might even be the "it" everyone has been talking about in those articles about Tiger Woods. And you haven't even kissed a girl in years? You call this representing the cheating men all over the world? What an embarrassment. You're a complete failure at philandering."
The problem is, every time I read an article or blog post about Tiger Woods, I get a strange feeling inside. Why is that? I'm sure I'm reading something into the text that isn't there, right?
Am I being overly sensitive? Can a sensible (or honest) writer really draw parallels between a married man seeing numerous women behind his wife's back for an extended period of time, and a single guy who hasn't been on a serious date or even kissed a woman in almost a decade?
You're right, that's completely ridiculous. I'm sure I'm being overly sensitive.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to post this and go jerk off again while I fantasize about one of the many woman I'm not cheating on my wife with.