Wednesday, March 30, 2011

This Jerry Eversole case is more exciting than an episode of Law and Order!

If you're reading the blog outside of Houston, you may not be aware that we've got an absolutely spellbinding criminal case going here right now.

Jerry Eversole, a Harris County commissioner, is accused of bribery for $100,000 in gifts he received over several years from a local businessman that received county contracts.

The first trial ended in a mistrial today (jury deadlocked), but a new trial will start soon.

The government says the long list of monetary benefits (dinners, gifts, trips, yard work at his home, etc.) was really a way to obtain votes for county contracts, and not simply friendly gestures as Eversole contends.

I'm not making a judgment one way or another about his guilt or innocence on the blog, since I'm not in the courtroom to hear all the evidence (I wish I was). However, some of the gifts (like more than $10,000 in landscaping at his home), seem to be a little difficult to explain away. How many of your friends have ever spent thousands of dollars on your home?

They must be really good friends.

One of the other things I love to watch is Eversole going into the court each day. Ted Oberg, reporter with ABC 13, approaches him with a microphone as he walks in.

Eversole says he's like that guy in baseball with two outs and two men on in the ninth inning, while appearing to point at his crotch. Maybe he wasn't pointing at his crotch, but that's what it looked like. He feels great!

Rusty Hardin, or as I like to call him, Mr. Smiley, is always so happy and confident. Hardin is Eversole's defense attorney. I like Rusty Hardin.

"It's hard to convict a guy who's not guilty," says Hardin, grinning ear to ear.

I wonder how many of Rusty's friends have ever spent $10,000 on his home. I wonder how many of Rusty's friends homes he'd be willing to spend $10,000 on, for no other reason except he likes them so much.

You can see where the major problem would be for me, if I was a juror. I don't know how you explain that away, but apparently Eversole's explanation worked for at least some of the jurors.

I just checked the mail, and there is no jury summons, so I'll just have to count on Ted's reporting for every exciting development in the case.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

We should have taken Gadhafi out as soon as he started killing his own people

I actually do think the president did a good job last night. I agree with his main points regarding the conflict, but especially agree that we shouldn't commit any ground troops to this effort.

If we get involved militarily every time a group of people in that part of the world decides they don't like their leader, we'll never take care of the important issues here in America.

I especially found what he said interesting because I'm currently reading "Diplomacy" by Henry Kissinger. The book looks at America's foreign policy and how we have seen our role in the world during different presidencies. The moral obligation argument he made seems very consistent and makes a lot of sense.

We're going to assist the rebels in their fight, which is already costing lives as this thing play out. Gadhafi threatened to kill his own people, and he actually has in some instances. He said he'd go door to door if he had to. That can't be tolerated anywhere in the world.

Here's the question I would have asked:

If we felt so strongly about condemning and stopping that, why wasn't using intelligence to locate Gadhafi and turning him and wherever he's hanging out into rubble the quickest and less costly way to make our point, save lives and end this conflict?

Monday, March 28, 2011

Nitzer Ebb - Hearts And Minds (Mix Hypersonic)

Today is music Monday on Twitter and here on the blog. Here's something for you to listen to real loud in your cubicles and newsrooms.

This is one of my all-time favorite songs, and something I promise to try to work in if I ever do a guest DJ gig in your area.

This 12-inch version of Nitzer Ebb's "Hearts and Minds" is incredible (as you'll soon hear for yourself), but pick up the entire CD "Belief" if you're looking for a great electronic dance record.

Anyway, y'all carry on, and I'll chat with you again soon right here.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I didn't mention the lump in my groin because I didn't want you to worry

Roughly a year or two ago, I noticed an occasional dull ache in my abdomen. Shortly thereafter, a small lump began appearing in my groin area (about an inch or so above my privates, on the right side). The lump got slightly bigger.

Now, when I stand up there is often a lump that looks like a walnut or golf ball is under the skin. I can push on it and it disappears, or I can lay flat and it retreats into my body.

I have self-diagnosed this as an inguinal hernia, using a old health care encyclopedia I found buried in the closet. There are no other symptoms, and other than that I feel great health-wise.

The encyclopedia perfectly describes what I've encountered, and a diagram shows exactly what this thing looks like. An operation to repair this type of hernia is described by the book as "simple and safe," so I've chosen not to worry.

If my ball sac fills with blood or organs, or if I encounter any other symptoms, I'll let you know.

It's a good thing payday is coming. Apparently one of the first things I'll be shopping around for is hernia surgery.

Friday, March 25, 2011

I wonder if the mayor could send that cemetery clean-up crew to mow this yard

The person I live with here doesn't give a shit what this yard looks like. Recently it takes a letter from the city to get him to have the grass mowed.

I've helped when I could. When there was a working lawn mower, I've use it. I've even paid lawn crews out of my own pocket.

However, yard maintenance here is not my responsibility. The owner of the home is responsible for that.

Having said that, it made me think about that group of youngsters I saw Houston Mayor Annise Parker supervising at the College Park Cemetery recently on ABC 13 News.

What a powerful statement from the mayor. I guess that was her way a saying, "Sure, I'm the mayor of the fourth largest city in the country, but I'm not above taking a Sunday afternoon to watch a bunch of black kids clean up a cemetery."

I certainly don't want to put words in the mayor's mouth, but that was a very powerful message to send to a city desperately needing role models and people to look up to. Community service is important, and what a great way to show your commitment to service.

Anyway, I thought about calling her office and asking if they could come help clean up this neighborhood (coincidentally called College Park) by mowing the fucking yard.

Have someone in your office call me if you think that sounds like something those kids wouldn't mind doing. I'll even make some calls and see if we can't get a news crew out here for some B-roll.

Too bad Col. Gadhafi's son is dead. We could invite him back to town and take some grip-and-grin photos right out in front of this embarrassing house.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Another deer-in-the-headlight photo from Washington D.C.


















So, we're sure these two guys have a handle on the situation?

If I was giving advice to federal government Web teams, I would suggest that putting up with the press is difficult enough without making things more difficult on yourselves.

Before posting a photo to a government Web site, I might recommend asking a series of questions to a colleague, or maybe even several colleagues:

* What does this photo communicate to you? Does it send a message that is confusing, or illustrate a point you're not ready to discuss at this time?

* Does the photo communicate competence? These are admittedly difficult times, with unprecedented challenges. Are we contributing to the problem or alleviating the problem if we use this photo.

* Can this photo be interpreted as a threat? If so, will the person(s) we are trying to communicate with understand the message? How will that message be interpreted by everyone else that is not being threatened? In general, threatening assholes is a bad idea unless you're just about ready to take action.

* Ask someone to quickly say the first words that come to mind when they see the photo. Do you hear words like "strength" "reliability," and "confidence," or is the response "Holy shit" or "What the fuck?" This could be a great test as to whether or not a photo belongs on a U.S. government Web site.

I know this is none of my business, but those are my thoughts.

What do you all think about Eric Holder as AG? I still haven't made up my mind completely. I have a nickname for him, that he may or may not deserve. I call him "Mr. Shit-Eating Grin." I guess I've seen him grinning at times I wish he wasn't. He better have information he's not sharing at this time.

The guy sitting next to him in this photo has a puzzling look on his face that I sure hope makes sense to someone.

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Larry King, although breathing, speaking and able to walk, has apparently lost brain function

Well, I've heard reports that many seniors see a quick decrease in motor function and brain activity shortly after retirement, and that certainly seems to be the case with grumpy CNN fossil Larry King.


Based on a comment he made tonight during an interview with John King on the extraordinary life of Elizabeth Taylor, he cost CNN an extra $1,000,000 on any future interview with me. This brings CNN's total for any live or taped interview to $6,000,000.



CNN can afford it. And I'm going to get it, assholes.

Here's a tip: I wouldn't put that fart back on the air before you sit down with me, because I'm pissed off and I promise I'll have a fucking calculator in my hand the next time that goofball talks shit.

You'd be best served as a network if he doesn't ever look into a camera again.

I won't say "goodbye," Larry. I'll just say, "so long."

I wonder what he sees in the crowds

Have you noticed all the White House photos recently that show the president looking out into the crowd with a similar look on his face to this one?

Ever wondered what he is seeing? Seriously, in the past couple months it seems like there have been a series of photos in which the president appears to be looking at something either shocking or extremely unpleasant in the room.

What's your theory on this?

Tim McDermott is crazy to ride that fucking bicycle such long distances

Tim McDermott must think he's Lance Armstrong or something.

He's the president of KSBJ in Houston, the city's contemporary Christian radio station. The guy is as goofy as they get, but I love his servant's heart.

When I actually used to listen to KSBJ (we'll get to why I don't anymore in a minute), he would DJ on Sunday mornings so his crew could go to church with their families. Hey, that's what Jesus would do, if Jesus was a DJ.

I went to a KSBJ concert years ago (these were always excellent events), and he got up before the show and held up a bag of peanuts, looking directly at me. He's a real peanut.

They wouldn't stop playing Undo, and that song was offensive to me, so I turned the radio off and started listening to industrial dance music instead. It's more encouraging, and sounds better.

Tell Mr. Peanut that I'll be a guest on his Sunday night talk show for $25,000, and I'll do an on-air interview on any topic at any time for $7,500. I won't say "shit" or "fuck" either.

I could buy a lot of bicycles with that kind of money.

How many people have you told about this blog today?

Getting the word out is imperative, and so is making sure readership grows exponentially.

We all have a role to play in doing just that. My part is to write from time to time. Here's what my readers can do:

Email your friends, relatives and/or coworkers and tell them about this blog by placing this Web address somewhere in the message: http://whatjohntylerthinks.blogspot.com/

Retweet any blog post announcement I send out via my Twitter account, when you feel a particular blog post is interesting, unusual, relevant or entertaining.

If you use Facebook, simply place a link on your Facebook page (or someone else's page) to this Web address. Here's a sample message you can use:

He's fighting the terrorists and assholes, and addressing his gorgeous Princess. You'll love this! http://whatjohntylerthinks.blogspot.com/

See how easy that is?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Tim Heller is a talented weatherman

I was digging around for stuff to write about, when I looked up at the television set and watched the weather report.

Bob Allen, sports reporter for ABC 13 in Houston, says he misses Marvin Zindler (and I think we all do to some degree), but I really miss Ed Brandon. You never worried about anything blowing up, or anything falling through the roof when Ed Brandon did the weather.

I don't worry about that shit most of the time, but Tim Heller is an amazing weatherman. On at least a couple of occasions, he has seemingly been able to accurately predict not just the weather, but the sound of jets above the neighborhood here. He knows how to clear the skies.

He's quite amazing. I'll be watching carefully, especially when I'm digging around for stuff to write about.

Tell him I really don't enjoy the humidity, so I'd love for him to change that immediately.

She was not raped

Note to Princess: I'm sorry I have to share this. It happened almost a decade ago. This must be addressed.

When a woman answers the door in nothing but a bathrobe and a pair of panties with a beer in her hand, she was not raped.

When she drops the bathrobe to the floor moments after shutting the front door and invites me into her bedroom, she was not raped.

When she points at my penis and says, "I like that!" and then rides it for an hour or two, she was not raped.

When she invites me to sleep in her bed all night after the event, she was not raped.

When she fakes a pregnancy after I tell her later I will not date her (even thought I didn't ejaculate inside of her), she was not raped.

When I get so furious at her for faking a pregnancy that she comes back from the office bathroom claiming she had a miscarriage in the stall, she was not raped.

I'm only telling you some of the less embarrassing details. This woman needed serious counseling by a psychiatrist.

She was not raped.

"John is Waiting for His Princess" posts now avilable here

Are you happy I'm blogging again? I hope so, and I hope we can talk about some things here that will generate great discussion.

I have imported my previous blog, "John is Waiting for His Princess," into this blog. You can find those older posts by looking at anything dated before 3/21/11.

I have a creative bug inside of me, and I absolutely have to do something occasionally to keep my mind occupied while we wait for the future. If I'm not creating something, I get incredibly bored. Blogging is a fantastic form of creative and personal expression.

Also, there are times things just need to be said publicly, and often I feel like I'm the only person willing to say them.

One of my YouTube subscribers said that posting something to a blog each day is an important goal, so that's what I'm going to try to do. Some days, I may post several times.

Please check back often if you're following me online, and I should have new posts to keep you updated.

An Open Letter to the Princess

Blogger's note: I'm not dating at this time, so any reference to "the Princess" in this blog should be seen as artistic expression and reaching out to potential love interests. Having said that, if you are the beautiful Princess and feel like I'm writing this to you, I am.

My dearest Princess,

I long for you. My heart feels unfulfilled, like it's missing something. My heart is missing you.

It seems as if warfare has broken out against our love. I can never gaze into your eyes. I can never hold you and feel your silky skin against mine. I can never kiss your bottom. I long for these days to be over so we can be together.

The terrorists and assholes have done all they could do to keep us apart. For now, they've succeeded. But just on the other side of this trial is a wonderful life we'll share. We're going to have so much fun together!

I ask you to stay strong, and stay focused. Distractions may come from every direction, and we may grow tired and occasionally want to give up.

But that's what sets you apart, and that's why I've chosen you. You're focused. You know that our waiting will not be in vain.

Luckily, we don't let assholes win in America, so we're going to be just fine. However, our wait isn't quite over yet. Occasionally, tough days may come. It's in those tough times we have to remember the great reward that awaits us--the reward of each others amazing love!

When times get tough and you feel like giving up on us, I want you to think about this: You're special. You're set apart. You're the best. You're the Princess!

That's exciting, baby, so don't let go!

Keep reading this blog. I'll say "hello" here from time to time, even though we can't be together right now.

Whatever it is you do every day, do it to the best of your ability and concentrate on the task at hand.

I already know you're great, but the tough times are preparing you. I'm really looking forward to spending time with you and getting to know you.

I love you, gorgeous.

John

Monday, March 21, 2011

A bad press conference for this guy? He's balding and he's pissed the POTUS off.

Current Interview Rates

Effective immediately, the rates for my media interviews, now and in the future, are published here. These rates apply to ANY news story I may be involved in the future.

You might want to scroll down first to make sure your specific news organization is not listed by name.

National sit down, televised interview (live or taped):

$20,000 for the first two hours of my time, $7,500 for each additional hour

National print or web interview:

$12,500 for the first two hours of my time, $7,500 for each additional hour

Local, televised sit down interview (live or taped)

$7,500 for the first two hours of my time, $2,500 for each additional hour

Local print or web interview

$5,000 for the first two hours of my time, $2,500 for each additional hour

The exceptions are the rates for the Houston Chronicle ($10,000,000) or ABC 13 in Houston ($500,000,000, including all ABC News) for any interview, any length. I'll even spend the whole day with you at that rate if you want.

Additionally, in each instance I will be allowed to bring my own recording device, either audio or video. The audio or video produced will be added to a personal web site in its entirety.

I don't want to hear a lecture on journalistic ethics, either. Why would you all start worrying about that now?

Have the check ready and the reporter will have complete access and can ask any question they want without limitations.

Best of luck.

Additions:

Anyone at CNN or CNN Headline News $500,000,000
(I'd call soon and start interviewing people about this on the record, or you are seriously not going to be able to afford to cover this story. I'm not negotiating).

NY Times $25,000,000

Time Magazine $25,000,000

CNBC $10,000,000

NBC News $20,000,000

USA Today $5,000,000

Reuters $2,500,000

Fox News $12,500,000

ESPN $10,000,000

AP $5,000,000

CBS News $20,000,000

Inside Edition $10,000,000

S.F. Chronicle $50,000,000

(I should have mentioned this before, but these rates are non-negotiable and can be changed at my discretion at any time).

In reference to CNN's brilliant broadcasting this evening

Does anyone have a theory on how Shell Oil Company would promote someone that stupid to CEO? And now he's the head of some oil industry think tank or consultancy? Must be dark days for the oil industry. Goofball!

And what is happening with journalism? Do these industries self-regulate or have safeguards in place to make sure people actually do their jobs?

And what is going on with Mr. Blitzer? He doesn't understand the scope of how dumb he looks sometimes. And that guy that's on in the evening, before Piers Morgan. The former AG of New York... Jesus, what are they paying these people to do? I don't expect you to ask all the questions but I do expect you to ask some of them.

Dark days for journalists. Goofballs. I just don't want them to blow me up. Or shoot me. Or crash an airplane into a building I'm in. I guess them acting like this isn't happening is OK for now. As my patience gets worn more and more thin, I suppose my interview rates will just have to go up.

I'll publish my current interview rates in another post soon.