Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Lance Berkman forced to return to an uncomfortable situation this week

This is a tough week for Lance Berkman, former Astro and current member of the St. Louis Cardinals, as he returns to play again in Minute Maid Park.

If you remember, when he originally left Houston for the Yankees, he talked about how coming back to the Astros someday to end his career would be great.

However, last night on Fox 26 News, he seemed reluctant to even come back for this week's series. He even stated that playing in Minute Maid Park was an experience he just wanted to get over with.

There are things he could do while he's in town to make the experience more enjoyable. Why not try to get Alyson Footer to set up a threesome with a gospel rock band, or see if you can get some of the guys together for an orgy with some go-go dancers? How about some pancakes with Hunter Pence?

On second thought, don't do any of that, Lance. Your wife simply doesn't deserve that, and frankly, Jesus would be disappointed with you.

Who's going to win the ballgames? It's hard to say. J.D., play-by-play announcer, says these Astros have great speed.

Just check out the post-game interview with the Astros player after the Milwaukee game Saturday night. I haven't laughed that hard at an interview with a professional athlete since the halftime debacle with Lawrence Taylor years ago after he got out of jail for buying crack.

Lance Berkman is a man of principle. A man of honor. The fans in Houston will most likely give him a standing ovation this week, and rightly so. He has a lot to be proud of, and he's contributed much to the Houston community. I'm happy he's having such a good season, and I think most people in Houston would say the same.

The fact is, no matter how many wins or losses the Houston Astros rack up this season, the unspoken truth is that this team has been marred by problems both on and off the field.

Lance Berkman's return is a reminder of better times and the good memories we had as Astros fans years ago before bad ballplayers and bad front-office bullshit fucked up a great thing.

I wouldn't give a shit about any of this if they had made the decision to stay the fuck out of my personal life over the years.

I wish Lance continued success with the Cardinals. I won't be at Minute Maid Park tonight, but I'll stand here and clap with the Houston fans if he is honored.

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