Wednesday, April 13, 2011

You don't understand, if rain doesn't start falling soon we could all catch on fire

My goodness, what a day we're having so far. The burn ban is still in effect in Texas because it hasn't rained in something like six months.

This is just our toxic reality right now. No rain, smoke stacks billowing pollutants into the atmosphere, people weeping on the television at the Johnson Space Center. Budget shortfalls, kids drinking margaritas out of sippy cups, and no rain. It's enough to make you feel like jumping off a cliff.

Governor Perry was in one of the fire-stricken communities yesterday helping any way he could. One of his staff members is focusing on the global situation, in case of brush fires in other parts of the world that Texas needs to put out, I suppose. People nearly lost everything as merciless flames turned yards into bonfires. Andy on the news says everything is returning to normal and the schools are finally opening, so that's good.

Fires, plagues, petulance, locusts, the debt ceiling, Dave Ward and no rain. And hernias! How many more days of this can we take? Just getting up in the morning is like a humiliating kick in the teeth. I'm kidding.

The weatherman on TV said that we only have around a 20 percent chance of anything falling from the sky. We've got to keep the small planes away from the big planes or someone is going to get hurt! And they need to put rear-view mirrors on those huge airbus planes.

Other than that, what did you think of the commercial, Mr. President? These prescription medication commercials sure are getting strange. My favorite right now is the one where the green cloud follows depressed people around everywhere they go. I also like the one where Benjamin helped his mother stop smoking those deadly cigarettes.

I have the most amazing Twitter account in the world. See all the pictures of the people I'm following on my Twitter page? I didn't follow any of them. I'm sure they're all wonderful people, but I didn't hit the follow button. My hacker has been able to decipher my password each time I've changed it. They've never tweeted, so I decided to just accept that as the new normal. I also receive occasional emails from my deceased aunt.

We've had the same Netflix movies here for months. Jeff Bridges plays one hell of a drunken redneck, I can tell you that for damn sure. Heartwarming little movie, though, if you haven't seen that one yet.

The grass got mowed here yesterday and it didn't even require prompting from the government. Imagine my excitement when I was finally able to tell the lawn gentlemen that I'd be unlocking the back gate for his entrance with the mighty lawn mower. As much as I like Deer Park, I'd rather be residing somewhere inside the loop right now, but payday has been seriously delayed, apparently.

Y'all are all wondering where I'm planning to settle down once payday finally arrives? I'll decide that, and announce that, after payday.

Are y'all getting up early to watch the Royal wedding? I think I probably will. That's like the happiest story going on in the world right now.

Other than that, all we have to look at on TV is brush fires, the end of the world, toxic fumes getting released into the atmosphere, wars and rumors of wars, drunk toddlers, Todd Foreman's capitol building target practice and weeping people at the Johnson Space Center.

Despite all that, everything seems to be going quite well. This has been a great day so far. I'll keep you posted here on the blog.

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