Friday, October 28, 2011

By next week we enter a new phase in my 'wait'; I run out of food

During these years that I've waited for people to either get their shit together or start doing what's right, one thing has consistently been the case: My basic needs have always been met.

Sure, I might have found it necessary to use someone else's toothpaste or deodorant occasionally, but I've always had something to eat when I needed that.

Today, I will put another two cups of water on the stove to boil my last package of ramen noodles, and I'll soak my last pound of beans overnight. I'm more concerned about these dogs than I am myself. They probably have enough food to last until the middle of next week.

This process has changed me in ways I never could have imagined just a few years ago. If you've followed my blog for many years, you've undoubtedly noticed some of those changes. This shook me to the core and challenged everything I believed about human nature, standing on principle, doing what's right even when it's extremely difficult, and even faith itself.

I'm not the same person I was five or six years ago. In some ways that's very good, and in some ways it may take some time for me to get used to what this has done to me. I'm happy that I broke free of some of my long-held mindsets, while at the same time I've become increasingly cynical and skeptical of other people in general. I've never been like that in the years past, and that is a change in me I don't particularly like.

After years upon years of "Good things come to those that wait" and "Don't worry, brother, the Lord is fighting your battles for you", I've finally reached that critical point where I realize that most people (at least in regards to my situation) have either been ill-informed, full of shit, or simply lying.

Someone once said, "When hard times come, you can either get bitter, or you can get better."

I certainly hope I'm getting better, because I'm fucking pissed off.

3 comments:

  1. you certainly aren't the same john tyler ii know but this change is a little edgier i like it. i have often wondered about you brotha for some time. but theres one thing i know about john tyler that will never change and that no one could keep john tyler down and out. hope to hear from you soon.

    -joey

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  2. Joey, I appreciate the remarks. Take care, and I'll talk with you later.

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  3. Dude call me! I will help you brother!

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