Here's what John Tyler thinks

Photo emerges of 'Hollywood Tyler' with the Huntington Beach Rams

2012-02-29T15:23:00.005-06:00

I scanned this photo from a button my mom used to wear to my football games when we lived in Huntington Beach, California. I found this in a box and it brought back many memories.

Those were the days of "Hollywood Tyler", a nickname my coaches (one of which was my stepdad) gave me after a stunt I pulled on the football field while playing tight end for the Huntington Beach Rams.

My team had just scored a touchdown. As they celebrated at the goal line, I sprinted by myself from the endzone to somewhere near the 50 yard line, where I attempted my very best somersault for the crowd.

My coaches quickly called me to the sidelines where I was informed I wouldn't be doing that again. However, the stunt did earn this mediocre pee-wee football player a pretty cool nickname on the sidelines, so I always felt it was worth my effort.

We only lived there for about a year, but I had a great time. My first trip to Dodger Stadium was during that period, where I saw the Dodgers play the Astros. Our next door neighbor (and my girlfirend's dad) agreed to buy me a ice cream sundae because I correctly predicted an Astros win that afternoon.

Huntington Beach was also where I met my first girlfriend as a third grader. I'd pick roses from a neighbor's yard as I'd walk home from school, bringing them to her house in my lunchbox. Her family had a small shed in the backyard we would occasionally hang out in. I remember her mom saying to us as we walked out the backdoor one evening, "I better not catch you two out there playing doctor."

Not knowing what that meant, I asked my girlfriend if she felt sick. She didn't feel sick, so we never did play doctor.

I remember really liking her a lot, and that was my first memory of having my heart broken when we moved back to Texas.

I look forward to getting back out there to see the old neighborhood at some point.

How inexpensive is it to appear on one of the most talked about blogs online? $100

2012-02-23T16:59:00.003-06:00

How would you like your business, organization or event to get a unique, personalized blog post here? I'll publish photos and give you a nice write-up, sure to impress your friends and foes alike.

Don't miss out on this opportunity to get noticed by decision makers both young and old. The list of luminaries and really important people paying attention to this blog is always growing.

Really important people run the Earth and make all the decisions that affect us daily. You simply must get noticed by really important people, as well as people that aren't so important, no matter what your organization does in your community. This is the place to do that.

The cost for your blog post is only $100. Imagine how cool everyone is going to think you and your organization are!

Simply send me an email anytime at john (at) theprincessblog.net. Let me know what you do, where you're located (if you're in the Houston area I'll visit personally), and what makes your business unique or sets you apart.

I look forward to hearing from you.

New propane stove raises quality of life, expands menu

2012-02-19T17:05:00.001-06:00

The purchase of a new Coleman propane stove has quickly expanded my available menu here at Camp Victory.

Today I used a Swiss army knife to break open a can of Kroger brand Macaroni and Beef in Tomato Sauce. Such an elegant flavor. I'm definitely going to pick up more cans of that stuff next time I visit the store.

Tonight I might even try a can of ravioli. They're on special for about 70 cents with a Kroger card.

This has been quite a step up from a diet that has consisted heavily of canned tuna and peanut butter sandwiches. I'm still eating plenty of those, but thanks to the new stove I can occasionally eat foods that require heating.

The skies have been much quieter since I posted last time. I heard one of the black helo war birds flying overhead either the night I published the last post, or maybe the next night. Since that time I haven't heard another.

I can't determine who is flying these things, or what they are trying to accomplish. Are they a foreign force wanting to take over America, a U.S. military unit that doesn't realize they shouldn't be wasting so much gas, or maybe an Army of angels taking Whitney Houston to Heaven?

I can't figure any of that out, and I've decided it's wise not to waste too much time or effort trying to figure out shit that doesn't make sense. Maybe they just like flying around.

However, I think there's plenty of room in the backyard to land one of those things if y'all want to come in and discuss what the fuck has been going on. I'll publish photos here on the blog of your landing and details of our discussion. And everyone secretly wants to be on this blog!

Below is another photo I took as one of them approached. I've nicknamed this helo "Warrior Spirit." I have no idea why I've named this helo "Warrior Spirit" but I like that name.

I think the black helicopters overhead are friendly. They haven't fired on anyone yet.

2012-02-12T18:40:00.003-06:00

The black helicopters over Deer Park, Texas, were quite active this weekend. These two photos were taken today (Sunday) from the backyard in the College Park subdivision.

The second photo is a direct flyover (the camera is pointing straight up). They were up on Saturday as well, but I couldn't get my camera turned on and out the door fast enough to shoot pictures.

I've seen them flying mostly after dark recently, so they are hard to photograph. It's actually a bit more exciting when there are several of them at the same time.

They haven't fired on me yet (or anyone else for as much as I can tell), so they're probably just keeping an eye on the neighborhood for terrorists or assholes. I want to see them open fire on one of those small airplanes! Well, maybe not over the neighborhood itself, but how about following one of them to the Laporte area? There's a lot of open space in that area around Underwood.

Relax. I'm kidding. But I've really enjoyed watching the skies. Last week sometime I heard the sound of a plane descending quickly in the area (sounded like it was coming down!), and I ran out the back door just in time to see the thing pulling up and away. It looked like a private jet or a small passenger plane, but I can't be completely sure.

I hope someone is taping all this stuff for the feature film.

Hanging out at my Clear Lake office today, and a Princess search update

2012-02-10T11:36:00.003-06:00

I thought I'd take a few minutes to catch you all up, because when you don't hear from me for several days you seem to get concerned.

I don't get paid to blog, nor is there much to report right now, so I basically blog when I feel like blogging. It really is a great arrangement.

I'm working out of one of my offices right now, which is the Clear Lake branch of the Harris County Public Library. I also office out of the Deer Park Public Library several hours a week. Here's a photo of my Clear Lake office.

I showed that photo to my dad, and he said, "Looks like you're a lawyer." If I was a lawyer, I'd have a commercial on TV that says, "Somewhere in all these old, dusty law books we lost a very important concept. The law is for everyone, not just rich and powerful dickheads trying to get away with a bunch of crazy shit."

Well, maybe I wouldn't use those exact words, but you get my drift. Can you imagine the personal satisfaction of going to work each day to fight against maggots and bullies? I might have missed my calling.

You're probably wondering how the job search is going. I interviewed with an oil and gas company here in Houston recently, but I don't think I was a very good fit for the team. The two guys I spoke with were nice, and I sincerely appreciate their time, but this was a different kind of writing than I've done in the past and maybe wasn't the best match for me. I need to continue winning, and I have to trust other people's judgment as to where I'll continue to win as fantastically as I have in the past.

I also applied to a couple government jobs recently outside of Houston (one in San Antonio and another in Indianapolis). I'm definately qualified, and I supposedly get special consideration because I'm a veteran. If those two places determine I'm not a good fit for the team, I'll probably determine I'm not a good fit for anyone's team, and I'll have to jump off a cliff.

I'm not dating right now, so the Princess prognosticators (people that try to guess who my Princess is) probably shouldn't be pairing me up with anyone. If you're new to the blog, you might not have discovered yet that any single female that I'm in a room with for any length of time becomes my Princess.

If I go to a new bar, or a public library, and there are single females in the room, people think I'm trying to pair up. Have you ever considered that maybe I'm just looking for a place to plug my laptop in?

The best advice I can give to Princess prognosticators, as I've said in the past, is wait until I'm actually dating before you pretend you know who I'm thinking about. That's better for me, but most importantly that's better for the females around me. They don't deserve that kind of silliness.

Dating really is on the back burner for me right now. Let's find the right oportunity for me first, and then I'll ask her out.

Do you want to know who she is?

Again, once I find the right opportunity, she'll get asked out.

So, what are we waiting for?

Go out and make it a great day folks! I guess I'm waiting for my phone to ring today.

The word I'd use to describe my Super Bowl shirt is 'excellent'

2012-02-01T13:52:00.003-06:00

I've finally decided what to wear to watch the Super Bowl with the help of a place called Fanzz in the Clear Lake area.

They couldn't have made it any more easy for me, even posing for a photo with my shirt at the register. I walked in and my shirt was on the top of a stack of offically licenced NFL t-shirts!

Excellence!

Where I go to watch will probably be a game-time decision. I have several places in mind. Send me an email if you have any suggestions!

I can't decide where to watch the Super Bowl (or what to wear)

2012-01-31T12:25:00.003-06:00

Deciding where to watch the Super Bowl, or what to wear, is very difficult for me.

In 2010, I watched the game in three different locations. I saw the first and second quarters at Sam's Boat on Richmond. Then, I went over for tacos at Ninfas. I saw the end of the game at the West Alabama Ice House.

This year I think I'm going to stay in one location, but I'd like some help deciding where that location is.

Also, could y'all help me pick out a shirt to wear? My San Diego Chargers shirt seemed to go over pretty well, I think. You should have seen the look on people's faces!

I was thinking Raiders this year. I heard one of the Texans coaches was lucky enough to get a job with the Raiders recently. I think I'm an honorary member of the Raider Nation or something. I'm going to do everything I can to get out there to watch a game eventually.

I like that whole "Commitment to Excellence" thing. See, John Tyler always commits to excellence, so he likes organizations that commit to excellence as well.

Anyway, back to the topic we're discussing here: the Super Bowl. Someone on the radio said something about the Patriots and the Giants playing this year. That should be an okay game. Those are pretty good teams.

Or I could just come to your place and watch the game with you, Princess. Send me an email and let me know what you think.

I'll tweet my location on Sunday. Keep an eye on my Twitter feed for updates.

'Amazingness'

2012-01-29T13:30:00.006-06:00

Who else wants their business sign on the blog?

Here's a great pizza joint on Richmond Avenue in Houston, Texas.

I saw this sign yesterday and chuckled.

I like to chuckle when I look at signs.

Make me chuckle.

If Houston is the City of Opportunity, what the hell are we waiting for?

2012-01-26T10:12:00.001-06:00

Being a proven winner may not be enough in Houston, Texas, the City of Opportunity.

True, there was a different mayor at the time they rolled out that silly campaign, but someone looking for the right opportunity in this city might be tempted to ask, "What the hell are we waiting for?"

How long would a talented, proven winner, like the one detailed in the past few posts on my blog, have to stay unemployed in a city before he was tempted to call this whole "City of Opportunity" thing BS?

I'm pretty sure that whole City of Opportunity thing was probably dreamed up by someone either running for political office or someone holding a political office. They're usually the folks that come up with that kind of corniness.

I think I'm probably in the wrong city.

A look at John Tyler's career indicates that all he does is win...consistently

2012-01-22T18:08:00.002-06:00

After a careful examination of John Tyler's career, I've come to the conclusion that all the guy does is win.

Luckily he doesn't suffer from the "what have you done for me lately" syndrome. Every place he has worked, at every stage of his career, he has thoroughly impressed the people that matter and real leaders that actually practice the principles of integrity, accountability and compassion that they communicate as corporate standards.

Let's take a look at some more examples on this blog post.

Here's another letter given to John by the current superintendent of a Houston-area school district (click to enlarge or right-click "save image as" to download).

One of the things I like most as I look over John's career is a consistency. A quick examination of his career progression below indicates a proven winner at each location:

1) U.S. Marine Corps -- Two Meritorious Masts, the Navy Achievement Medal, and two personal letters from general officers for his public affairs work. Please see previous post if you haven't already read it.

2) University of Texas Medical Branch Galveston -- Promoted from communication specialist to the President's Writer, and the only non-M.D. or Ph.D invited to serve on his Professionalism Board. Called the president's "go-to guy" by the president's executive assistant.

3) Baylor College of Medicine -- Three professional awards in two years from the Public Relations Society of America, the Houston Press Club and the Texas Public Relations Association.

4) The Methodist Hospital in Houston -- Pursued for this position by members of the institution's PR team because they noticed his previous work elsewhere (they called him unsolicited), a work quality that prompted personal recognition from a company vice president (see previous post), and an unsolicited call for a vice president position at Houston's METRO because they heard he'd be a good candidate for the job. He was also told by two different Houston reporters during this period that they believed he was "the best PR person in the Texas Medical Center."

Everything I've examined indicates that John Tyler is exactly the kind of person a real leader looking for a proven winner would want in his or her organization.

Consistency. Excellence. A proven winner. John Tyler.

A special question for employers considering the winner John Tyler

2012-01-20T10:48:00.003-06:00

Are you a powerful leader?

That may seem like an unusual question, but it certainly fits in this context, as we find the right place for the winner John Tyler to seek employment (and the right leader for him to report to).

Leadership is much more than a position you hold or the number of folks that report to you. It's the ability make good decisions, and recognize when you have the opportunity to make a huge impact in the quality of your organization. Are you exercising the power you have today to make good decisions?

That's why I highly recommend John Tyler, a winner. John Tyler has been consistently recognized throughout his career by other leaders as a top performer. He's the kind of consistent winner that even after the incredible recognition during his Marine Corps days (as seen in the previous post), continued to win awards and capture the attention of real leaders with the honesty to recognize him.

Just take a look at this unsolicited letter he received from a company Vice President in the inner-office mail at The Methodist Hospital in Houston (click to enlarge or right-click "save image as" to download).

John Tyler, a consistent performer. A winner. The type of person that any powerful leader with a sincere desire to see his organization reach that next level would love to bring on board.

Excellence. Dependability. A winner. John Tyler.

More exciting news for employers considering John Tyler: He's a proven winner

2012-01-14T18:58:00.024-06:00

I probably should have posted this kind of information here before, but a recent look through a old box uncovered some gems from my Marine Corps days that seem very appropriate for posting on a personal blog.

Since I'm currently in pursuit of full-time employment (and potential employers enjoy looking online for information about candidates), I thought I might put some more stuff online that will again confirm they are considering a proven winner. I look forward to our meeting.

(Please click on any image here for a expanded version you can read, or right click and "save image as" to download).

I was lucky enough to travel to Guam for the 50th anniversary of its liberation. After returning to Okinawa, I sat down to put my thoughts on paper regarding what I experienced, and the importance of honoring those veterans that served and sacrificed before us.

I was shocked to get a personal letter from both the III MEF commanding general:

And from Gen. Carl Mundy, the Commandant of the Marine Corps. The day I pulled this out of my mailbox was undoubtedly one of the best days of my Marine Corps service.

While serving as a public affairs specialist/combat correspondent at the Marine Corps Logistics Base, Barstow, California, I was nominated by my boss for Serviceperson of the Quarter. I went before a board and was selected. Here is the citation I received at that time:

The Marine Corps also awarded me with the Navy Achievement Medal for my editing, as well as a three-minute news and information radio program I recorded on base that aired daily on three Barstow stations.

During a float on the U.S.S. Belleau Wood from Okinawa to Hong Kong with the 31st Expeditionary Unit (SOC), I promoted the Marines' joint training exercises and received a Meritorious Mast for my electronic and print coverage, as well as for providing "invaluable assistance in furthering training opportunities throughout the Western Pacific."

I came back to Texas and used the G.I. Bill to complete my communication degree. Former White House staffer Peter Roussel put in a good word for me with Time Warner after a meeting at his public relations office, resulting in my first internship and setting me on course for a multi-award-winning PR/writing career that I look forward to continuing soon at your organization.

Are you looking for a proven winner?

Excellent. I look forward to our meeting and joining your exceptional organization.

Does your Web site have cobwebs on it? Use Top Tier Traffic every Wednesday

2011-12-29T10:45:00.004-06:00

If you want more people to see your Web site or blog, make sure you take advantage of Wednesdays at Top Tier Traffic.

Matthew Graves really has lost his mind this time, but that's a great thing. You and I benefit from that. He placed 500 free credits in my account this morning...again!

Every Wednesday, Top Tier Traffic awards 500 credits to anyone who simply surfs 300 pages. That means 500 people get to see your Web site or blog for free, and all you have to do is surf 300 pages during that 24-hour period. Simple. You also generate lots of free credits while surfing those 300 pages.

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At least one of the presidential candidates has this situation figured out!

2011-12-26T18:27:00.003-06:00

The word I would use to describe new USAirForcePride.com is 'elegant'

2011-12-23T08:55:00.002-06:00

Today USAirForcePride.com has launched, and the word I would use to describe the site is 'elegant.'

Yes, 'sleek' and 'attractive' came to mind as well, but 'elegant' perfectly describes how I feel about this latest creation.

Maybe I'm being just a tad silly this morning, but knowing that Air Force personnel and their families around the world, both active and retired, now have one location online to find all the gear and gifts they need makes me feel fantastic.

Whether Air Force personnel are looking for the perfect t-shirt for their wife or grandmother, a coffee mug for dad, or even just 500,000 pairs of combat boots, they have one convenient location online to shop.

If I can ever be of assistance please don't hesitate to email at
info (at) usairforcepride.com.

If the House doesn't act soon, 16-year-old twins may lose pizza night with dad

2011-12-22T13:38:00.004-06:00

The House should end this bickering soon so those 16-year-old twins can continue to have pizza night with their dad.

They're growing up so fast and soon they'll be out of the house, probably chasing boys and leaving dad with an occasional hour when they can fit him into their schedules.

There's already bipartisan agreement in the Senate that this should happen.

What are we waiting for?

Most Americans wouldn't be able to give up $40 a week right now. They are playing silly ass politics three days before Christmas. Probably playing politics with those twins' pizza night. Despicable!

Americans need to send some new people to Washington as soon as they can so we can get shit done every once in a while.

For more information watch video of the president here.

Would you ever consider paying $15 for a dozen eggs?

2011-12-22T10:06:00.008-06:00

Can you imagine the look on the cashier's face at the supermarket if you insisted on giving them $15 for a dozen eggs?

Cashier: "Sir (or ma'am), those are eggs, they only cost a couple bucks."

You: "Yes, but I heard these are real tasty eggs. I want to give you $15 for them."

Cashier: "Those are delicious eggs, but they only cost a couple bucks."

You: "Important people pay $15 for their eggs, and I want to pay that much also."

There is obviously no logic in paying many times the actual value for a product. So why do people do this with their Web hosting?

I recently heard that people are paying as much as $25 per month for something that really only costs a fraction of that, with the exact same level of service and dependability. Why? Maybe they think there is some prestige value in throwing money down the commode for over-priced Web hosting.

If you could sit down for a few minutes with today's top online marketers and ask them about the importance of return on investment, they'd undoubtedly agree that every dollar you spend online needs to bring back a return. Money spent wisely online can pay dividends, but only if you are making well-informed decisions that benefit you and your business.

This would certainly apply to someone trying to sell you over-inflated Web hosting services so they can make a big affiliate commission. Does that help you or does that help them?

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My podcasts going online for free, and ArmyPride.net now launched

2011-12-19T14:25:00.004-06:00

My podcasts at ThePrincessBlog.net will now go online for free, which really is the appropriate cost of a podcast. If you have a desire to hear any of the others that aren't currently posted free, check back from time to time or keep an eye on my Twitter page. I should have the remainder uploaded and ready in the next couple weeks.

Also, I have now launched ArmyPride.net to supplement both USMCPrideOnline.com and NavyPride.net. I will add an Air Force site at some point soon, and then I'll have everyone covered. Do I really need a Coast Guard Web site at this point? I think that one can wait. Thanks to each of you that has shopped at those sites over the years. I really do appreciate the business.

The sites were always seen by me as part-time endeavors or creative outlets (although I would never rule out the possibility of earning a full-time income online eventually). Lots of people are doing just that.

However, I've started applying for jobs in the Houston area again. I'll keep you posted here as to the direction my career takes, but sitting here waiting for whatever I was waiting for is not only a waste of time, it's incredibly frustrating and at times demoralizing.

I'll keep you posted. Thanks as always for keeping up with my blog!

This dude is always farting and always trippin'

2011-11-30T21:00:00.003-06:00

On a scale of one to 10 in funniness, this is about a 1,276,598,635,670,524.

You must watch this.

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2011-11-26T10:18:00.005-06:00

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Have a great day.

HostGator.com offering 50 percent off all hosting packages today only

2011-11-25T00:01:00.011-06:00

I received an email yesterday about a fantastic offer that I thought I'd pass on to my readers. HostGator, a leading Web host company currently home to more than five million domains around the globe, is again offering its highly successful Black Friday discounts. Today only, HostGator.com is offering 50 percent off all new hosting packages.

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By next week we enter a new phase in my 'wait'; I run out of food

2011-10-28T12:50:00.008-05:00

During these years that I've waited for people to either get their shit together or start doing what's right, one thing has consistently been the case: My basic needs have always been met.

Sure, I might have found it necessary to use someone else's toothpaste or deodorant occasionally, but I've always had something to eat when I needed that.

Today, I will put another two cups of water on the stove to boil my last package of ramen noodles, and I'll soak my last pound of beans overnight. I'm more concerned about these dogs than I am myself. They probably have enough food to last until the middle of next week.

This process has changed me in ways I never could have imagined just a few years ago. If you've followed my blog for many years, you've undoubtedly noticed some of those changes. This shook me to the core and challenged everything I believed about human nature, standing on principle, doing what's right even when it's extremely difficult, and even faith itself.

I'm not the same person I was five or six years ago. In some ways that's very good, and in some ways it may take some time for me to get used to what this has done to me. I'm happy that I broke free of some of my long-held mindsets, while at the same time I've become increasingly cynical and skeptical of other people in general. I've never been like that in the years past, and that is a change in me I don't particularly like.

After years upon years of "Good things come to those that wait" and "Don't worry, brother, the Lord is fighting your battles for you", I've finally reached that critical point where I realize that most people (at least in regards to my situation) have either been ill-informed, full of shit, or simply lying.

Someone once said, "When hard times come, you can either get bitter, or you can get better."

I certainly hope I'm getting better, because I'm fucking pissed off.

Did you enjoy the debate? Here's another track for the eClub

2011-10-19T14:48:00.008-05:00

My favorite part of last night's debate was when Rick Perry called Herman Cain his brother. That made me think of this song. Here's another track for the eClub.

And Mitt Romney...watch out...your name is apparently on that list! ;)

I'm wearing my own deodorant today, and my thoughts on the presidential race

2011-10-18T11:55:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted here for a while, so I thought I'd take a moment to type some thoughts out on the keyboard.

First, Princess, you are awesome! I look forward to spending time with you. How soon? Hopefully soon, baby. I wish I knew for sure.

Thank you for your military T-shirt purchases -- I want to thank my customers at USMCPrideOnline.com and NavyPride.net. Recently I've been wearing my own deodorant and brushing my teeth with my very own toothpaste for the first time in many months, and those goodies were funded completely by the sale of T-shirts and other gear! Thank you very much, and don't forget that you can purchase any type of clothing product using the search box on those pages, and Cafe Press forwards the commissions to me. I appreciate you greatly.

Additionally, I am now an affiliate of Travelocity.com, so if you plan to travel in the future please use that link to see if they can save you some money.

I'm finally on Facebook -- I've joined the rest of the civilized world and created a Facebook account. I will use the site more often in the future, but for now I've authorized Twitter to post my tweets on my FB page. That will be the way I post most of my FB status updates in the future. I see the incredible potential of FB for marketing and branding possibilities, but it seems like using FB in tandem with Twitter is a better way to reach a wider audience.

Again, I'll tweet and post to FB more often in the future.

I will approve all Facebook friend requests and follow back everyone on Twitter within 24 hours, so please feel free to follow me if you are building your network.

Who do you want to be your president? -- In response, you really should ask this question: "What kind of country do I want to live in?"

Have you been watching these folks that want President Obama's job? Herman Cain is my favorite of the bunch, although I'm not sure he could beat President Obama in a general election. I can't say if an electric fence at the border would go over too well, but a $9.99 supreme pizza at Godfather's Pizza definitely would. I'm a little frustrated with him because they closed the Godfather's on Center Street in Deer Park, Texas. That really is good pizza.

I'm not an economist, but if this 999 plan is at all plausible, I hope to hear more from him on the campaign trail.

I just don't know what to think about Gov. Perry. He's been governor of Texas practically the entire time I've been sitting around waiting for justice. Doesn't the University of Texas System report directly to him?

He says the rest of America should be like Texas. I'm not so sure of that.

Texas is, in fact, a great state, but the politicians here are weird. Perry once said, "Dead, fall dead," in a spooky voice to a group of reporters. He claps loudly when the president walks down the stairway from his plane (I'm not saying the two things are related, they're just strange). He's the only Austin resident in years to kill an animal with a handgun. Recently on the campaign trail, he stood in front of a huge photo of the White House and made a loud clap noise with his hands, then gazed into the camera with a look on his face like he's nuts. He might be nuts.

If all that wasn't enough, he recently released this incredible work of art the day the President of the United States landed in Dallas.

Perry said Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke would be treated pretty ugly down in Texas if the feds printed more money during the recession. The problem is, I know (and Perry knows) what it means to treat someone pretty ugly down in Texas. Getting treated pretty ugly in Texas is some scary shit.

As governor, he often raised hell that Washington wasn't doing more to help secure the border to keep all the deadly Mexican drug gangs out. Then, he gives a State of the State speech in which he appears to be grinning when he says that deadly Mexican drug gangs are here in Texas.

These are just some examples that immediately come to mind. I don't know what the hell is going on with Rick Perry, but I do know I'm not ready for him to be the most powerful man in the world. He needs to fix the messed up situation in Texas before he asks for more responsibility, in my opinion. Then, as long as the Secret Service thinks he's funny, maybe he can be president someday.

During a previous debate, I saw Michelle Bachmann and Newt Gingrich secretly handing each other something below the waist as they cut to a commercial break. Now I think they might be on drugs.

Mitt Romney is most likely going to run against the president (and he thinks Jesus came from a planet named Kolob). It will be interesting watching these people jockeying for position in the coming months.

Are you ready to roll your eyes? Get ready for a Chasm Talker convention tonight as the GOP folks debate on CNN. Let's watch to see which one of them says the goofiest shit.

Are you ready to unleash the demonic spirit of your Houston Turds?

2011-08-15T11:31:00.001-05:00

These guys are soft. Degenerates. Probably full of steroids (but they'll only test positive because they work out so hard), most likely doing more blow than John Belushi. If they run out, don't worry, they've got good chemistry.

I'd love to put on pads and pop those fucking douche bags in the mouth, but I'll just have to count on the New York Jets to take care of that for me tonight.

During a nationally televised event on ESPN this evening, tens of thousands of unsuspecting Houstonians in Reliant Stadium will cheer and scream for a bunch of overpaid turds, while school teachers and firemen are being laid off in record numbers, and good people everywhere are struggling to build a better life.

Can you imagine if one of your children walked up to you one day and said, "When I grow up I want to be just like the Houston Turds"? Talk about the most depressing day of your life.

At the end of the day, every shaman and witch in the Houston area couldn't unleash enough demonic spiritual power to hide the fact that this is simply an average group of football players embarking on another opportunity to embarrass a city.

The real story will actually be happening on the sidelines tonight. The real story is Wade Phillips, the respected son of Houston hero Bum Phillips, who was tricked into signing a contract with this group of shitheads before he understood what he was getting himself into.

Congratulations America, these are your Houston Turds.

I have decided to handle this football season a certain way. Each week, I have a new favorite team. This week, I'm a Jets fan. The 49ers and Saints will get my support soon. If you're a visiting team, don't think of your time playing against the Turds as simply a ball game. This is much more important that that. You're flushing a toilet.

Of course, I'm ready for some football.

The Houston Astros: An organization of pussies and pieces of shit

2011-07-23T19:49:00.006-05:00

From top to bottom, the place is in shambles. The worst organization in professional sports, without question.

They like to fuck with me, don't they? They can dish it out, but can they take it? That's what we're about to find out.

J.D., the guy who sits there talking shit every fucking game on TV, needs a fucking fist in his mouth. I volunteer mine. Volunteering is great!

Wandy, the pussy, could use the same.

That bald-headed piece of shit that manages them. He's full of shit. Consistently.

Hunter Pence. I wouldn't even hook you up with a fucking stripper, asshole. You ain't fucking any girlfriend of mine. You think you did, or you're gonna? That ain't my fucking girlfriend, shithead. Go pick up some hotcakes from mamma and shut the fuck up.

You think I'm going to work there? I can promise you something. The day I start work in an organization like that a flatbed truck with cardboard boxes is showing up right after I do my first morning. And they'll get used.

You don't like this post? Fuck you, dickhead.

The problem is, these overpaid morons have been led to believe they're special. They are one bad decision away from coaching junior high gym class, and someone as braindead as Ed Wade happened to think they had a clever name or something. That's the only excuse for why some of you ever wore the uniform of a professional ballclub.

Nothing will give you a renewed appreciation for school teachers and firemen quicker than watching nine innings of Astros baseball (and that abomination of a post-game show). What the fuck was Jim Crane thinking to spend that much money on a sinking ship?

I want to believe Drayton is an exception to all this, but a wise man once told me, "John, unfortunately a fish rots from the head down."

Go fuck yourselves. And if you have any problems with anything I've said here, just name the place and the time. You better have a buddy there to help pick your teeth up off the concrete, because I don't really like you people much and I'm tired of your bullshit. I've bit my tongue long enough.

I'll be back out there at Minute Maid Park eventually, wearing Dodger blue again, arm-in-arm with my gorgeous Princess (which none of you morons are going to fuck...she'll have standards).

And don't worry, football season comes soon enough around here. I'm sure I'll have thoughts at that time as well.

Best of luck everybody.

Added later: I should have mentioned: Bud Norris...what a fucking douche bag.

New Princess Podcast: Who Are The Mysterious Airplane Men?

2011-06-08T16:28:00.003-05:00

A new Princess Podcast is available for free right now! I've placed it on YouTube in four parts.

Who Are The Mysterious Airplane Men? - I go into depth about the mysterious airplane men on my flight from Houston to Charlotte. I also give an update on several helicopters now seen flying in formation over the house. You'll learn the truth about my alleged gambling problem and my current need for baking soda and deodorant.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Big Supreme - Don't Walk (Extended Version)

2011-06-06T10:35:00.004-05:00

This is a fantastic song. There was a time when I heard the vinyl 12" single of this track was selling for up to $200 dollars at Houston record stores.

Play loud in your cubicle. Of course I'll play this one.

D'Bop by Dirty Harry

2011-05-30T10:05:00.001-05:00

This guy is quick to tell you that he invented the D'Bop sound. I don't know what that means, but I do know this is a fantastic song on the dancefloor.

Play this loud in your cubicle. Of course I'll play this one.

Welcome to Paradise by Front 242

2011-05-23T10:18:00.004-05:00

You knew I would add this one to the list eventually, and since we all apparently missed the Rapture this weekend, today's the day.

Welcome to Paradise by Front 242. Of course I'll play this one.

Looking from a Hilltop by Section 25

2011-05-16T12:21:00.006-05:00

I don't think it would be possible to highlight the songs that made this period unique without playing this one as well.

This song makes you feel like you're flying on a spaceship, not that I've ever flown on one. But I imagine that's what this song makes you feel like. Incidentally, I saw a spaceship fly on the television set today.

Your boss probably wants you to play this loud in your cubicle. Press play now.

Looking from a Hilltop by Section 25. Of course I'll play this.

World in My Eyes by Depeche Mode

2011-05-09T08:54:00.001-05:00

There are several Depeche Mode songs that I might classify as essentials from the period of Houston club history I'm currently highlighting on this blog. Songs like "Just Can't Get Enough" or "Stripped" or maybe even "Strangelove".

However, this track is my very favorite DM song from those days.

World in My Eyes by Depeche Mode. Of course I'll play this.

I need those resources now

2011-05-06T23:51:00.001-05:00

Not when you feel like it. Not when it's more convenient.

It's time for me to move. Thanks.

Get me the fuck out of this house

2011-05-06T23:39:00.001-05:00

America by Bigod 20

2011-05-02T09:46:00.002-05:00

Don't kid yourself, this is a big day in the world.

Congrats to the president and our military on the death of the mass- murderering maggot.

Sure, I'll play this one. Seems very appropriate today.

America by Bigod 20. Play this loud in your cubicle.

What a weekend we've had so far

2011-05-01T20:20:00.010-05:00

What a weekend we've had so far. I got up around 3:45 a.m. on Friday and watched Royal wedding coverage.

He's so lucky, his wife is fantastic! And he's the future King of England, which probably isn't a bad job.

Was I impressed with the wedding? I don't think I could have been more impressed. Excellent in every way. This would have been a great time to be in England, and I imagine this will provide a increase to UK tourism for some time.

In fact, I think the wedding may have been the best worldwide image boost in the country's history. I loved the image of them driving away in that car after the wedding, waving at everybody. Have you noticed how the Royal family always waves at people?

In the horse-drawn carriage, lip readers claim William said to Kate, "You have to wave back, even if it's too much for you."

In times like this I have to admit there is something very elegant about all the pomp and pageantry of that form of government. England should be proud of itself for a job extremely well done. And congratulations to the bride and groom.

I was going to watch the shuttle launch Friday as well but the heaters were broken.

I've been hanging out in a house with an AC unit that's been broken for about a month. It's 11:30 p.m. as I write this, and it's still about 85 degrees indoors. Summer isn't even here yet!

I promise not to bitch and moan on this blog day after day about the temperature, but I'm going to feel like doing just that. Hopefully payday is coming soon so I can find my own place with a functioning air conditioner.

Have you heard a rumor that I've come into some money? My sweet Aunt Gene was deliberately kicking a box of Humble Oil stock (Exxon) on the floor in her closet one day when she asked me to get something for her, like she was trying to draw my attention to it. This was several years ago. She passed away recently.

Sometimes things are right underneath our feet, and we just need to change the way we're thinking about them. If there's any truth to this rumor a phone call from someone would be greatly appreciated.

Have you ever wondered what you would do if you came into a lot of money overnight, like winning the lottery or getting a huge cash settlement? What would be the first thing you'd buy? The first thing I'd buy is deodorant. And then a box of Prilosec OTC. A big box, not the 14 pack.

After hernia surgery, maybe a nice trip to some exotic location with my Princess. They say money can't buy happiness, but I actually think it can.

I've priced the Princess Podcasts extremely low so everyone can enjoy them. All it costs is 99 pennies transferred from your Paypal account, and anyone can afford that.

Remember, payments are processed through Paypal, the most trusted worldwide online payment processor. Completely secure, so you can listen today without worry. Go ahead and download one, and I think you'll enjoy some of the crazy shit I say. Crazy but true.

Thanks for reading, as always. Remember, I can send you an email each time I post something new, if that is more convenient for you. Simply enter your email address in the "Follow by email" form on the right-hand side of this blog.

Lance Berkman forced to return to an uncomfortable situation this week

2011-04-26T14:15:00.004-05:00

This is a tough week for Lance Berkman, former Astro and current member of the St. Louis Cardinals, as he returns to play again in Minute Maid Park.

If you remember, when he originally left Houston for the Yankees, he talked about how coming back to the Astros someday to end his career would be great.

However, last night on Fox 26 News, he seemed reluctant to even come back for this week's series. He even stated that playing in Minute Maid Park was an experience he just wanted to get over with.

There are things he could do while he's in town to make the experience more enjoyable. Why not try to get Alyson Footer to set up a threesome with a gospel rock band, or see if you can get some of the guys together for an orgy with some go-go dancers? How about some pancakes with Hunter Pence?

On second thought, don't do any of that, Lance. Your wife simply doesn't deserve that, and frankly, Jesus would be disappointed with you.

Who's going to win the ballgames? It's hard to say. J.D., play-by-play announcer, says these Astros have great speed.

Just check out the post-game interview with the Astros player after the Milwaukee game Saturday night. I haven't laughed that hard at an interview with a professional athlete since the halftime debacle with Lawrence Taylor years ago after he got out of jail for buying crack.

Lance Berkman is a man of principle. A man of honor. The fans in Houston will most likely give him a standing ovation this week, and rightly so. He has a lot to be proud of, and he's contributed much to the Houston community. I'm happy he's having such a good season, and I think most people in Houston would say the same.

The fact is, no matter how many wins or losses the Houston Astros rack up this season, the unspoken truth is that this team has been marred by problems both on and off the field.

Lance Berkman's return is a reminder of better times and the good memories we had as Astros fans years ago before bad ballplayers and bad front-office bullshit fucked up a great thing.

I wouldn't give a shit about any of this if they had made the decision to stay the fuck out of my personal life over the years.

I wish Lance continued success with the Cardinals. I won't be at Minute Maid Park tonight, but I'll stand here and clap with the Houston fans if he is honored.

Traffic exchanges are fantastic except for the emails you have to receive

2011-04-26T11:42:00.002-05:00

I owe a great deal of gratitude to the traffic exchange industry.

For many years, I would sit for hours on end and click those damn things, rotating my blog.

If you don't know what a traffic exchange is, here is a link to one of the best. An explanation of how they function is on that page.

People often wonder, "Do traffic exchanges really work?"

For making money, the secret is they actually don't work (unless you own one of them).

However, if personal branding is your goal, they absolutely do work. While the vast majority of people on traffic exchanges are not there to read a personal blog, I have no doubt TEs were absolutely effective in helping to get the word out about my situation worldwide over the years, at no cost.

If you put something up that is unique, and rotate it on a regular basis, people will take a look out of curiosity. You can put your message in front of thousands of eyeballs every day for free, if you have a little time to invest.

Now to the bad part. These fucking emails the owners send out. Apparently, there is a great deal of ego in the Internet marketing community, and some of these people (not all of them) are professional smart asses. EasyHits4U rarely sends out an email, and that's a good thing. That's one reason why I recommend them. You can rotate your site without having to put up with a bunch of stupid shit.

I have most of those emails going straight to the place they belong: the spam folder.

However, I feel like the service provided by traffic exchanges has been instrumental for me over the years. I'm very thankful for that.

Thanks, TE owners and users. You all deserve a brand new BMW.

New Thing From London Town by Gary Numan

2011-04-25T12:10:00.005-05:00

London has been on TV in the United States a lot lately. I have a feeling that trend will continue in the next week or so. Americans seem to really love England. I still have around eight pounds left on my Oyster card I need to use up at some point.

Of course I'll play this one. New Thing From London Town by Gary Numan.

Play loud in your cubicles.

You don't understand, if rain doesn't start falling soon we could all catch on fire

2011-04-13T12:03:00.009-05:00

My goodness, what a day we're having so far. The burn ban is still in effect in Texas because it hasn't rained in something like six months.

This is just our toxic reality right now. No rain, smoke stacks billowing pollutants into the atmosphere, people weeping on the television at the Johnson Space Center. Budget shortfalls, kids drinking margaritas out of sippy cups, and no rain. It's enough to make you feel like jumping off a cliff.

Governor Perry was in one of the fire-stricken communities yesterday helping any way he could. One of his staff members is focusing on the global situation, in case of brush fires in other parts of the world that Texas needs to put out, I suppose. People nearly lost everything as merciless flames turned yards into bonfires. Andy on the news says everything is returning to normal and the schools are finally opening, so that's good.

Fires, plagues, petulance, locusts, the debt ceiling, Dave Ward and no rain. And hernias! How many more days of this can we take? Just getting up in the morning is like a humiliating kick in the teeth. I'm kidding.

The weatherman on TV said that we only have around a 20 percent chance of anything falling from the sky. We've got to keep the small planes away from the big planes or someone is going to get hurt! And they need to put rear-view mirrors on those huge airbus planes.

Other than that, what did you think of the commercial, Mr. President? These prescription medication commercials sure are getting strange. My favorite right now is the one where the green cloud follows depressed people around everywhere they go. I also like the one where Benjamin helped his mother stop smoking those deadly cigarettes.

I have the most amazing Twitter account in the world. See all the pictures of the people I'm following on my Twitter page? I didn't follow any of them. I'm sure they're all wonderful people, but I didn't hit the follow button. My hacker has been able to decipher my password each time I've changed it. They've never tweeted, so I decided to just accept that as the new normal. I also receive occasional emails from my deceased aunt.

We've had the same Netflix movies here for months. Jeff Bridges plays one hell of a drunken redneck, I can tell you that for damn sure. Heartwarming little movie, though, if you haven't seen that one yet.

The grass got mowed here yesterday and it didn't even require prompting from the government. Imagine my excitement when I was finally able to tell the lawn gentlemen that I'd be unlocking the back gate for his entrance with the mighty lawn mower. As much as I like Deer Park, I'd rather be residing somewhere inside the loop right now, but payday has been seriously delayed, apparently.

Y'all are all wondering where I'm planning to settle down once payday finally arrives? I'll decide that, and announce that, after payday.

Are y'all getting up early to watch the Royal wedding? I think I probably will. That's like the happiest story going on in the world right now.

Other than that, all we have to look at on TV is brush fires, the end of the world, toxic fumes getting released into the atmosphere, wars and rumors of wars, drunk toddlers, Todd Foreman's capitol building target practice and weeping people at the Johnson Space Center.

Despite all that, everything seems to be going quite well. This has been a great day so far. I'll keep you posted here on the blog.

Houston doesn't get a retired space shuttle. Wow.

2011-04-12T14:39:00.006-05:00

The very first word uttered from the moon was "Houston."

Mission control is in Houston. Many astronauts (probably most of them) call Houston home either now or at some point in the past, including those who died in the shuttle explosions.

Houston is Space City. Oprah has big love for Houston. Houston's sports teams even use space themes in their names and in their marketing.

Maybe that last example wasn't a good one, but if you don't live here, you probably don't realize how surprising today's decision to send all the retired shuttles to different cities was to most Houston residents.

I have to admit, I figured if there were three or four retired shuttles going to different cities, Houston would most likely get one of them for historical reasons.

I guess the thing to consider is that NASA is a federal agency, and Houston already has the Johnson Space Center. Sending the retired shuttles elsewhere allows NASA to share examples of the national space program in other parts of the country. That seems fair.

Houston mayor Annise Parker declared from a podium at city hall recently that "NASA is ours." That's the way many Houstonians feel, but isn't actually correct. Tell all the NASA employees in Florida that the agency belongs to the city of Houston, and they might be inclined to disagree.

Someone apparently thought those retired shuttles belonged not to the city of Houston, but to the American people in general.

The local politicians will undoubtedly come out with statements expressing shock and disbelief. They'll say things like "It is clear" and "It is unfortunate" (both of which are not true) to express their personal frustration that these amazing pieces of local history are going elsewhere on their watch.

However, look on the bright side. As of today, Houston still has the Johnson Space Center, Mission Control and that big rocket on Nasa Road One.

"We have ignition," says the Houston Rockets. They just don't have a space shuttle.

Fahrenheit by Umo Detic

2011-04-11T13:59:00.002-05:00

Of course I'll try to play Fahrenheit by Umo Detic. How could I forget to play this one?!

Play to the very end for exciting disco rock explosion!

The human race might have one more chance, but first it would have to survive the alliance, the elements, and the unknown dark and sinister threats that would lie ahead.

Could raising the U.S. debt ceiling possibly cause the end of the world?

2011-04-10T17:01:00.007-05:00

Could millions of people all over the world die in a massive barrage of fiery explosions, with blood and sulfur raining from the sky, simply because the United States debt ceiling is raised too high?

Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison of Texas seems to think so, indicating on CNN this past week that "armageddon" may be the result of the United States current financial situation.

Here are her comments and the response from David Plouffe, senior White House advisor, on today's Meet the Press. (click here and forward the video to 6:26. Watch until about 7:50).

I hope to hell they don't let her and that scary Governor Perry get anywhere near each other to plot and plan, or we are all in big trouble. Our skin may literally melt away from our bodies!

Her comments are in line with the politics of this state, unfortunately. I've nicknamed Texas "Thug Nation" because leaders here will seemingly do and say whatever they have to to achieve their political goals. It's like a whole other country. Don't mess with Texas, or you might die.

I'm pretty sure they won't actually blow up planet Earth, but as someone who has been the target of terrorism from state employees and had to endure the cover-up afterwards, I would have preferred the senator used different language, frankly.

John Boehner was dead serious about cuts, and Army wife can buy formula and diapers now

2011-04-09T13:45:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry I didn't post to the blog yesterday. I was incredibly bored with nothing to do here in prison.

I think we can all be happy that there wasn't a government shutdown. John Boehner is dead serious about those cuts, apparently. Now that negotiations are over, I sure hope Sen. Harry Reid got the nap he obviously needed so bad yesterday.

I actually did start to draft a couple blog posts yesterday that I didn't publish. One was entitled, "I'm going to drain a can of tuna today and eat it with saltine crackers." The other I titled, "I would allow Tom Foreman a small dog or cat in prison, but I'm a nice guy."

I didn't publish them because I felt maybe you all wanted a break. I think quality, not quantity, is what we strive for here on the blog, and that's what you'll always get as a faithful reader. I'm not going to feel like I have an obligation to post every day when I know how important your time is...and I'm not getting paid to do this.

My hernia hurt just a little last night, and I had to push extra hard to get the damn thing to go back inside my stomach. Usually it doesn't hurt, but last night it seemed quite sore for some reason. No blood in my stools or urine yet, so I don't think we should worry.

On a different subject, have you noticed I like to blog about politicians? I'm facinated with government, but I don't have political aspirations now. I don't even have an affiliation with a political party.

If you've noticed, I like to speak truth to power as I see it, whether that truth is popular or not. I don't think that works well in American politics. I think that makes someone unelectable.

Anyway, you all have a great day. I'm going to go cook a frozen pizza and celebrate the fact that the Army wife on CNN the last few nights is going to be able to buy diapers and food in May!

You want to know what I think? I think you people threaten my life and the President's life

2011-04-07T14:12:00.007-05:00

This is for the smartass lady anchoring CNN right now that wants to know what I think.

What I think is you people use crafty editing, loud pops at strange times on the set, and outright threats to try to control this situation by fear.

You're not alone at CNN. Other networks and news crews do the same thing.

I've been watching for years, and basically the way you operate is that I or the politicians have to do exactly what you worthless fucks want or you'll threaten to harm us.

You've threatened me, and you've threatened the president. I think you people use fear (although I'm not scared of you worthless pussies) to try to control me or others.

I truly believe that if the choice was between a bunch of you losing your jobs (which you should) and you partnering with terrorists to harm good Americans, you'd choose the latter. There are days I wonder if some of you aren't actually in cahoots with terrorists.

I personally think a simple VCR and about six months worth of video clips from your network could put many of you in jail for years.

However, we have an election coming in 2012 and the politicians need you, so you have nothing to worry about, other than the $500,000,000 it's currently going to take to get me on your set.

Did you really want to know what I think?

President Obama gets a sweet letter from his dad?

2011-04-07T11:22:00.000-05:00

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe we shouldn't kill Gadhafi. Maybe we should keep him alive so he can write more entertaining letters to the President of the United States.

By now I'm sure you've all had a chance to read the letter Col. Gadhafi sent to President Obama. Do a Google search if you haven't.

I didn't realize the American president and Gadhafi were so friendly. So warm. Col. Gadhafi even called President Obama his son.

Now I feel dumb for saying Gadhafi's son was dead in a previous post, when we all know President Obama is very much alive and well.

He even called him Baraka, which I guess could be considered a pet name. Last time I heard President Obama referred to as Baraka was in a silly music video (click here now to see).

What is Gadhafi really trying to say? So many misspellings, grammatical errors. CNN.com is reporting that Gadhafi hired an American firm to work on his public image.

I wonder if an American helped to write that letter.

Internet scam report: Trafficdart.com

2011-04-06T12:10:00.005-05:00

If you're looking for an exciting way to put around $20 in someone else's Paypal account and get absolutely nothing in return, I highly recommend Trafficdart.com.

Tafficdart.com claims to provide pop-under ads for Web sites.

Before you stop me and ask why I would waste money on bulk traffic anyway, I understand that bulk traffic is very low-quality traffic.

I paid for the service because I am more interested in getting the word out than I am conversions right now, and I wanted to send a quick burst of traffic to ThePrincessBlog.net.

This morning I logged in and was told they had sent more than 2000 visitors to my site. The problem is, these are invisible hits. In other words, not one of them shows up on my hit counter (nor on the logs at my Web host). I sent an email asking about this when I first noticed yesterday, but received no response, of course.

I found Trafficdart.com from a Google Adwords ad. If Google is really interested in eliminating egregious bullshit from their search results, Trafficdart.com would be a great place to start.

Having said all that, if anyone knows of a real, reputable company that provides actual pop-under views that can be seen by real people (and a hit counter), please email me and let me know about them.

U.S. Marine takes bullet to the head, doesn't really fuck him up much at all

2011-04-05T13:34:00.009-05:00

Sgt. Paul Boothroyd III, a signals intelligence operator with 2nd Radio Battalion, USMC, thought his kevlar helmet might be holding his brain together.

His brain turned out to be just fine, despite the Dragunov sniper round that had hit his helmet, went through his neck and lodged behind his right ear.

The round missed his spinal column and it's main arteries by millimeters.

The event occurred last month in a compound south of Sangin, Afghanistan, while attached to the 26th Marine Expeditionary Unit. After surgery at Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Md., he said he feels like he's taking an "unearned vacation" while he recovers at home in Michigan for 30 days.

Taking a bullet to the head is considered an earned vacation in every organization on Earth except the U.S. Marine Corps.

He hopes to go back to Afghanistan soon for another deployment. Warrior.

It would be a shame if he survived a bullet to the head and then died needlessly of lung cancer. Someone needs to tell him how dangerous those fucking cigarettes are. Tell him we are all grateful for his service and wish him the best.

Here is an excellent place to buy him a Marine Corps t-shirt:
http://USMCPrideOnline.com

Can I interest you in an extra $250.00 a day?

2011-04-05T11:35:00.008-05:00

Here's a great opportunity for my readers. Watch this quick video:

This is unlike anything you've seen before.

I'm going to show you numerous companies that will pay you good money to post ads online for them.

* You don't need any experience
* You don't need any special skills
* You don't need a marketing degree

All you need is a computer and internet access.

Let's face it, if these companies did all the work themselves, it would take forever! That's where you come in. Companies worldwide are bending
over backwards to find people to post ads for them, and they'll pay you nicely in return.

Here's how it works...
* You type the ads
* You submit the ads
* You choose your own hours
* You do as many as you want, no restrictions

You'll be provided with a list of over 100,000 companies you can work with starting today. Easy work, excellent pay!
http://661cf8xf6y5n1scap5ueslwuex.hop.clickbank.net

* Choose the companies you would like to work with.
(1000s to choose from)
* Login to your ad account.
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Sinead O'Connor - Mandinka

2011-04-04T14:35:00.004-05:00

I'll play this one also -- Sinead O'Connor's Mandinka.

Fantastic song. Play loud in your cubicles. Chat with you later.

Are exploding airplanes fun?

2011-04-04T10:56:00.001-05:00

Soon you all will have had the chance to enjoy the new Xfinity commercial, which I had the opportunity to view this morning on CNN.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cringe at the end, when the commercial shows someone watching video of a passenger airplane disintegrating into flames midair, while the lyrics seem to happily describe this as fun and something we'd all like to see.

If we're taking votes, I for one don't want to see a plane blowing up in the air. That doesn't look very fun at all.

Since only days ago a Southwest flight had to make an emergency landing due to a hole ripped in the fuselage, and a bullet hole was found in a U.S. Airways plane, and dead bodies from the 2009 Air France crash are about to be pulled from the wreckage, maybe this jingle and video are a disturbing juxtaposition right now?

Let's try to make better video editing choices and refrain from blowing up airplanes during this process. Thank you.

My Favorite McDonald's commercial

2011-04-02T21:28:00.003-05:00

Here's a clever little McDonald's commercial that used to air frequently in Houston during baseball season (at least, that's when I remember this running).

Look for a possible John cameo in the background.

I wanted to take a moment to apologize for not posting anything yesterday

2011-04-01T11:22:00.008-05:00

Yesterday was a rather boring day here in prison, so I took a day off from posting to my blog. I apologize for any inconvenience that caused.

However, the Jerry Eversole post was good enough to last you a couple of days. He's a interesting character, isn't he? Things are done a little differently here in Harris County, if you hadn't figured that out by now. Should be a great time in the courtroom, and I trust the jury will be able to come back with a decision next time around.

I also want to apologize that I won't be making an appearance in town tonight, due to my captivity. That means no Numbers tonight and no college basketball at all this weekend.

For everyone in town for the Final Four, I want to apologize for not being out there to contribute. I'm being held captive for other people's mistakes and payday has been delayed, which will keep me out of Reliant Stadium.

Have y'all been watching ABC 13 News? I have a question for Bob Allen, sports director, to ask that ballheaded guy that manages the Astros:

Will we be able to keep Hunter Pence out of jail all season?

This is actually the best time of year for Texans owner Bob McNair, because it won't be his group of overpaid degenerates that are on TV all the time. The Texans should just keep playing catch at Rice Stadium and get ready for another eight or nine losses next season (if next season even happens).

I love it when one of the Astros or Texans is interviewed and says, "We've got really good chemistry." I guess that means one of them has a meth lab in his house.

I always say, if we can get through another baseball season around here without a small-engine plane crashing into the crowd, we've accomplished something great.

I'll try to post again later this weekend, but if you don't hear from me I'm sitting in a dumpy house in Deer Park with Fritzi all weekend.

This Jerry Eversole case is more exciting than an episode of Law and Order!

2011-03-30T14:11:00.008-05:00

If you're reading the blog outside of Houston, you may not be aware that we've got an absolutely spellbinding criminal case going here right now.

Jerry Eversole, a Harris County commissioner, is accused of bribery for $100,000 in gifts he received over several years from a local businessman that received county contracts.

The first trial ended in a mistrial today (jury deadlocked), but a new trial will start soon.

The government says the long list of monetary benefits (dinners, gifts, trips, yard work at his home, etc.) was really a way to obtain votes for county contracts, and not simply friendly gestures as Eversole contends.

I'm not making a judgment one way or another about his guilt or innocence on the blog, since I'm not in the courtroom to hear all the evidence (I wish I was). However, some of the gifts (like more than $10,000 in landscaping at his home), seem to be a little difficult to explain away. How many of your friends have ever spent thousands of dollars on your home?

They must be really good friends.

One of the other things I love to watch is Eversole going into the court each day. Ted Oberg, reporter with ABC 13, approaches him with a microphone as he walks in.

Eversole says he's like that guy in baseball with two outs and two men on in the ninth inning, while appearing to point at his crotch. Maybe he wasn't pointing at his crotch, but that's what it looked like. He feels great!

Rusty Hardin, or as I like to call him, Mr. Smiley, is always so happy and confident. Hardin is Eversole's defense attorney. I like Rusty Hardin.

"It's hard to convict a guy who's not guilty," says Hardin, grinning ear to ear.

I wonder how many of Rusty's friends have ever spent $10,000 on his home. I wonder how many of Rusty's friends homes he'd be willing to spend $10,000 on, for no other reason except he likes them so much.

You can see where the major problem would be for me, if I was a juror. I don't know how you explain that away, but apparently Eversole's explanation worked for at least some of the jurors.

I just checked the mail, and there is no jury summons, so I'll just have to count on Ted's reporting for every exciting development in the case.

We should have taken Gadhafi out as soon as he started killing his own people

2011-03-29T10:08:00.002-05:00

I actually do think the president did a good job last night. I agree with his main points regarding the conflict, but especially agree that we shouldn't commit any ground troops to this effort.

If we get involved militarily every time a group of people in that part of the world decides they don't like their leader, we'll never take care of the important issues here in America.

I especially found what he said interesting because I'm currently reading "Diplomacy" by Henry Kissinger. The book looks at America's foreign policy and how we have seen our role in the world during different presidencies. The moral obligation argument he made seems very consistent and makes a lot of sense.

We're going to assist the rebels in their fight, which is already costing lives as this thing play out. Gadhafi threatened to kill his own people, and he actually has in some instances. He said he'd go door to door if he had to. That can't be tolerated anywhere in the world.

Here's the question I would have asked:

If we felt so strongly about condemning and stopping that, why wasn't using intelligence to locate Gadhafi and turning him and wherever he's hanging out into rubble the quickest and less costly way to make our point, save lives and end this conflict?

Nitzer Ebb - Hearts And Minds (Mix Hypersonic)

2011-03-28T12:04:00.003-05:00

Today is music Monday on Twitter and here on the blog. Here's something for you to listen to real loud in your cubicles and newsrooms.

This is one of my all-time favorite songs, and something I promise to try to work in if I ever do a guest DJ gig in your area.

This 12-inch version of Nitzer Ebb's "Hearts and Minds" is incredible (as you'll soon hear for yourself), but pick up the entire CD "Belief" if you're looking for a great electronic dance record.

Anyway, y'all carry on, and I'll chat with you again soon right here.

I didn't mention the lump in my groin because I didn't want you to worry

2011-03-27T15:05:00.001-05:00

Roughly a year or two ago, I noticed an occasional dull ache in my abdomen. Shortly thereafter, a small lump began appearing in my groin area (about an inch or so above my privates, on the right side). The lump got slightly bigger.

Now, when I stand up there is often a lump that looks like a walnut or golf ball is under the skin. I can push on it and it disappears, or I can lay flat and it retreats into my body.

I have self-diagnosed this as an inguinal hernia, using a old health care encyclopedia I found buried in the closet. There are no other symptoms, and other than that I feel great health-wise.

The encyclopedia perfectly describes what I've encountered, and a diagram shows exactly what this thing looks like. An operation to repair this type of hernia is described by the book as "simple and safe," so I've chosen not to worry.

If my ball sac fills with blood or organs, or if I encounter any other symptoms, I'll let you know.

It's a good thing payday is coming. Apparently one of the first things I'll be shopping around for is hernia surgery.

I wonder if the mayor could send that cemetery clean-up crew to mow this yard

2011-03-25T10:17:00.004-05:00

The person I live with here doesn't give a shit what this yard looks like. Recently it takes a letter from the city to get him to have the grass mowed.

I've helped when I could. When there was a working lawn mower, I've use it. I've even paid lawn crews out of my own pocket.

However, yard maintenance here is not my responsibility. The owner of the home is responsible for that.

Having said that, it made me think about that group of youngsters I saw Houston Mayor Annise Parker supervising at the College Park Cemetery recently on ABC 13 News.

What a powerful statement from the mayor. I guess that was her way a saying, "Sure, I'm the mayor of the fourth largest city in the country, but I'm not above taking a Sunday afternoon to watch a bunch of black kids clean up a cemetery."

I certainly don't want to put words in the mayor's mouth, but that was a very powerful message to send to a city desperately needing role models and people to look up to. Community service is important, and what a great way to show your commitment to service.

Anyway, I thought about calling her office and asking if they could come help clean up this neighborhood (coincidentally called College Park) by mowing the fucking yard.

Have someone in your office call me if you think that sounds like something those kids wouldn't mind doing. I'll even make some calls and see if we can't get a news crew out here for some B-roll.

Too bad Col. Gadhafi's son is dead. We could invite him back to town and take some grip-and-grin photos right out in front of this embarrassing house.

Another deer-in-the-headlight photo from Washington D.C.

2011-03-24T16:38:00.000-05:00

So, we're sure these two guys have a handle on the situation?

If I was giving advice to federal government Web teams, I would suggest that putting up with the press is difficult enough without making things more difficult on yourselves.

Before posting a photo to a government Web site, I might recommend asking a series of questions to a colleague, or maybe even several colleagues:

* What does this photo communicate to you? Does it send a message that is confusing, or illustrate a point you're not ready to discuss at this time?

* Does the photo communicate competence? These are admittedly difficult times, with unprecedented challenges. Are we contributing to the problem or alleviating the problem if we use this photo.

* Can this photo be interpreted as a threat? If so, will the person(s) we are trying to communicate with understand the message? How will that message be interpreted by everyone else that is not being threatened? In general, threatening assholes is a bad idea unless you're just about ready to take action.

* Ask someone to quickly say the first words that come to mind when they see the photo. Do you hear words like "strength" "reliability," and "confidence," or is the response "Holy shit" or "What the fuck?" This could be a great test as to whether or not a photo belongs on a U.S. government Web site.

I know this is none of my business, but those are my thoughts.

What do you all think about Eric Holder as AG? I still haven't made up my mind completely. I have a nickname for him, that he may or may not deserve. I call him "Mr. Shit-Eating Grin." I guess I've seen him grinning at times I wish he wasn't. He better have information he's not sharing at this time.

The guy sitting next to him in this photo has a puzzling look on his face that I sure hope makes sense to someone.

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2011-03-24T11:34:00.005-05:00

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Larry King, although breathing, speaking and able to walk, has apparently lost brain function

2011-03-23T19:48:00.009-05:00

Well, I've heard reports that many seniors see a quick decrease in motor function and brain activity shortly after retirement, and that certainly seems to be the case with grumpy CNN fossil Larry King.

Based on a comment he made tonight during an interview with John King on the extraordinary life of Elizabeth Taylor, he cost CNN an extra $1,000,000 on any future interview with me. This brings CNN's total for any live or taped interview to $6,000,000.

CNN can afford it. And I'm going to get it, assholes.

Here's a tip: I wouldn't put that fart back on the air before you sit down with me, because I'm pissed off and I promise I'll have a fucking calculator in my hand the next time that goofball talks shit.

You'd be best served as a network if he doesn't ever look into a camera again.

I won't say "goodbye," Larry. I'll just say, "so long."

I wonder what he sees in the crowds

2011-03-23T14:49:00.001-05:00

Have you noticed all the White House photos recently that show the president looking out into the crowd with a similar look on his face to this one?

Ever wondered what he is seeing? Seriously, in the past couple months it seems like there have been a series of photos in which the president appears to be looking at something either shocking or extremely unpleasant in the room.

What's your theory on this?

Tim McDermott is crazy to ride that fucking bicycle such long distances

2011-03-23T14:02:00.007-05:00

Tim McDermott must think he's Lance Armstrong or something.

He's the president of KSBJ in Houston, the city's contemporary Christian radio station. The guy is as goofy as they get, but I love his servant's heart.

When I actually used to listen to KSBJ (we'll get to why I don't anymore in a minute), he would DJ on Sunday mornings so his crew could go to church with their families. Hey, that's what Jesus would do, if Jesus was a DJ.

I went to a KSBJ concert years ago (these were always excellent events), and he got up before the show and held up a bag of peanuts, looking directly at me. He's a real peanut.

They wouldn't stop playing Undo, and that song was offensive to me, so I turned the radio off and started listening to industrial dance music instead. It's more encouraging, and sounds better.

Tell Mr. Peanut that I'll be a guest on his Sunday night talk show for $25,000, and I'll do an on-air interview on any topic at any time for $7,500. I won't say "shit" or "fuck" either.

I could buy a lot of bicycles with that kind of money.

How many people have you told about this blog today?

2011-03-23T11:54:00.002-05:00

Getting the word out is imperative, and so is making sure readership grows exponentially.

We all have a role to play in doing just that. My part is to write from time to time. Here's what my readers can do:

Email your friends, relatives and/or coworkers and tell them about this blog by placing this Web address somewhere in the message: http://whatjohntylerthinks.blogspot.com/

Retweet any blog post announcement I send out via my Twitter account, when you feel a particular blog post is interesting, unusual, relevant or entertaining.

If you use Facebook, simply place a link on your Facebook page (or someone else's page) to this Web address. Here's a sample message you can use:

He's fighting the terrorists and assholes, and addressing his gorgeous Princess. You'll love this! http://whatjohntylerthinks.blogspot.com/

See how easy that is?

Tim Heller is a talented weatherman

2011-03-22T18:59:00.000-05:00

I was digging around for stuff to write about, when I looked up at the television set and watched the weather report.

Bob Allen, sports reporter for ABC 13 in Houston, says he misses Marvin Zindler (and I think we all do to some degree), but I really miss Ed Brandon. You never worried about anything blowing up, or anything falling through the roof when Ed Brandon did the weather.

I don't worry about that shit most of the time, but Tim Heller is an amazing weatherman. On at least a couple of occasions, he has seemingly been able to accurately predict not just the weather, but the sound of jets above the neighborhood here. He knows how to clear the skies.

He's quite amazing. I'll be watching carefully, especially when I'm digging around for stuff to write about.

Tell him I really don't enjoy the humidity, so I'd love for him to change that immediately.

She was not raped

2011-03-22T12:53:00.002-05:00

Note to Princess: I'm sorry I have to share this. It happened almost a decade ago. This must be addressed.

When a woman answers the door in nothing but a bathrobe and a pair of panties with a beer in her hand, she was not raped.

When she drops the bathrobe to the floor moments after shutting the front door and invites me into her bedroom, she was not raped.

When she points at my penis and says, "I like that!" and then rides it for an hour or two, she was not raped.

When she invites me to sleep in her bed all night after the event, she was not raped.

When she fakes a pregnancy after I tell her later I will not date her (even thought I didn't ejaculate inside of her), she was not raped.

When I get so furious at her for faking a pregnancy that she comes back from the office bathroom claiming she had a miscarriage in the stall, she was not raped.

I'm only telling you some of the less embarrassing details. This woman needed serious counseling by a psychiatrist.

She was not raped.

"John is Waiting for His Princess" posts now avilable here

2011-03-22T11:42:00.001-05:00

Are you happy I'm blogging again? I hope so, and I hope we can talk about some things here that will generate great discussion.

I have imported my previous blog, "John is Waiting for His Princess," into this blog. You can find those older posts by looking at anything dated before 3/21/11.

I have a creative bug inside of me, and I absolutely have to do something occasionally to keep my mind occupied while we wait for the future. If I'm not creating something, I get incredibly bored. Blogging is a fantastic form of creative and personal expression.

Also, there are times things just need to be said publicly, and often I feel like I'm the only person willing to say them.

One of my YouTube subscribers said that posting something to a blog each day is an important goal, so that's what I'm going to try to do. Some days, I may post several times.

Please check back often if you're following me online, and I should have new posts to keep you updated.

An Open Letter to the Princess

2011-03-22T09:45:00.000-05:00

Blogger's note: I'm not dating at this time, so any reference to "the Princess" in this blog should be seen as artistic expression and reaching out to potential love interests. Having said that, if you are the beautiful Princess and feel like I'm writing this to you, I am.

My dearest Princess,

I long for you. My heart feels unfulfilled, like it's missing something. My heart is missing you.

It seems as if warfare has broken out against our love. I can never gaze into your eyes. I can never hold you and feel your silky skin against mine. I can never kiss your bottom. I long for these days to be over so we can be together.

The terrorists and assholes have done all they could do to keep us apart. For now, they've succeeded. But just on the other side of this trial is a wonderful life we'll share. We're going to have so much fun together!

I ask you to stay strong, and stay focused. Distractions may come from every direction, and we may grow tired and occasionally want to give up.

But that's what sets you apart, and that's why I've chosen you. You're focused. You know that our waiting will not be in vain.

Luckily, we don't let assholes win in America, so we're going to be just fine. However, our wait isn't quite over yet. Occasionally, tough days may come. It's in those tough times we have to remember the great reward that awaits us--the reward of each others amazing love!

When times get tough and you feel like giving up on us, I want you to think about this: You're special. You're set apart. You're the best. You're the Princess!

That's exciting, baby, so don't let go!

Keep reading this blog. I'll say "hello" here from time to time, even though we can't be together right now.

Whatever it is you do every day, do it to the best of your ability and concentrate on the task at hand.

I already know you're great, but the tough times are preparing you. I'm really looking forward to spending time with you and getting to know you.

I love you, gorgeous.

John

A bad press conference for this guy? He's balding and he's pissed the POTUS off.

2011-03-21T22:52:00.000-05:00

Current Interview Rates

2011-03-21T22:34:00.055-05:00

Effective immediately, the rates for my media interviews, now and in the future, are published here. These rates apply to ANY news story I may be involved in the future.

You might want to scroll down first to make sure your specific news organization is not listed by name.

National sit down, televised interview (live or taped):

$20,000 for the first two hours of my time, $7,500 for each additional hour

National print or web interview:

$12,500 for the first two hours of my time, $7,500 for each additional hour

Local, televised sit down interview (live or taped)

$7,500 for the first two hours of my time, $2,500 for each additional hour

Local print or web interview

$5,000 for the first two hours of my time, $2,500 for each additional hour

The exceptions are the rates for the Houston Chronicle ($10,000,000) or ABC 13 in Houston ($500,000,000, including all ABC News) for any interview, any length. I'll even spend the whole day with you at that rate if you want.

Additionally, in each instance I will be allowed to bring my own recording device, either audio or video. The audio or video produced will be added to a personal web site in its entirety.

I don't want to hear a lecture on journalistic ethics, either. Why would you all start worrying about that now?

Have the check ready and the reporter will have complete access and can ask any question they want without limitations.

Best of luck.

Additions:

Anyone at CNN or CNN Headline News $500,000,000
(I'd call soon and start interviewing people about this on the record, or you are seriously not going to be able to afford to cover this story. I'm not negotiating).

NY Times $25,000,000

Time Magazine $25,000,000

CNBC $10,000,000

NBC News $20,000,000

USA Today $5,000,000

Reuters $2,500,000

Fox News $2,500,000

ESPN $1,500,000 (one mental error can fuck you up real bad)

AP $5,000,000

CBS News $20,000,000

Inside Edition $10,000,000

S.F. Chronicle $50,000,000

(I should have mentioned this before, but these rates are non-negotiable and can be changed at my discretion at any time).

In reference to CNN's brilliant broadcasting this evening

2011-03-21T21:45:00.000-05:00

Does anyone have a theory on how Shell Oil Company would promote someone that stupid to CEO? And now he's the head of some oil industry think tank or consultancy? Must be dark days for the oil industry. Goofball!

And what is happening with journalism? Do these industries self-regulate or have safeguards in place to make sure people actually do their jobs?

And what is going on with Mr. Blitzer? He doesn't understand the scope of how dumb he looks sometimes. And that guy that's on in the evening, before Piers Morgan. The former AG of New York... Jesus, what are they paying these people to do? I don't expect you to ask all the questions but I do expect you to ask some of them.

Dark days for journalists. Goofballs. I just don't want them to blow me up. Or shoot me. Or crash an airplane into a building I'm in. I guess them acting like this isn't happening is OK for now. As my patience gets worn more and more thin, I suppose my interview rates will just have to go up.

I'll publish my current interview rates in another post soon.

Excitement of Opening Day festivites, as told by official Houston Astros photos

2010-04-05T16:01:00.000-05:00

I could have penned a long blog post about how exciting opening day festivities are in Houston, but why bother? The team's marketers are already doing a better job than any of us could have. Let's enjoy the fun and excitement of Major League Baseball in Houston, Texas, as told by the Astros organization itself.

It looks like we have an amazing season ahead of us. Good luck, guys. Play ball!

The happiest looking people on Earth. Houston Astros fans on Opening Day.

On a scale of one to 10, how excited are you about the new baseball season?

Richard Justice was right about one thing. Drayton wants action.

"I told them I didn't want to sign my name on these friggin cards all day..."

"I'll do this boring crap for another 15 minutes and then we go drink beer."

"My knee really feels great today. Don't underestimate this team."

I just took my joy out of the dryer

2010-03-31T13:00:00.000-05:00

Every time I wear my joy, I have to wash it again.

I just took my joy out of the dryer. So soft. Elegant. Smells nice. I'm hanging on to my joy.

That's the only way to describe my mood today. Joyful. Peaceful. How do you know you're doing the right things in life? I always let peace be my umpire, so to speak. Today, the umpire is saying, "Fair ball!"

Don't worry. There's no truth to the rumor that I'm hurting like Lance Berkman. What is there to hurt about?

I'm healthy, whole, and have an amazing future in front of me. I'm having a hard time wiping the grin off my face.

This is a fantastic day. You can tell I'm already thinking about baseball season. I'm even working on a press release I may post right here on Opening Day. That's going to be a good night at the ballpark.

I let Fritzi outside a couple times already today. I woke up this morning to find Duffy had taken a dump in the living room, so he had to go out as well. Even in the midst of that, there was peace. Let peace be your umpire. I think I'm going to get a t-shirt made that says that.

Why haven't I heard an answer about my journey destination yet from y'all? Maybe I should let my joy guide me. My joy's always done me right, pointed me in the right direction.

So I've folded joy nicely and set it aside for now...

Mr. Flexible Team Player trudges on

2010-03-29T10:01:00.000-05:00

Lenore's no-show and the journey possibilities

Lenore didn't call, and I'm OK with that. I believe that things do or don't happen for a reason, and this may have been Lenore's way of saying, "You're just too creative and resourceful to work here." Or maybe Lenore hates me. Either way, we trudge forward.

How would y'all feel about me taking another journey sometime? I think y'all like it when I take journeys. Even with all the craziness that usually occurs on my flights, I have a good time on my journeys.

I've seen Australia and Great Britain recently. Do you see a pattern there? Those are English-speaking countries. Maybe I should get brave and venture out sometime. Europe maybe? Asia? India? You know I've got to get in those German clubs sometime soon. Maybe I'll just head out to California for a week or so. That's less expensive. You all help me pick the next location.

Preparing for exciting next week

The VNV Nation show is Sunday at the Meridian. I look forward to seeing y'all there. This is a band I'm really looking forward to seeing perform live.

And don't forget about Opening Day at the ballpark next week, also. I don't have a ticket yet, but I often just buy one from those ticket vendors, so I'm not worried about getting in. I washed my new shirt because it kinda smelled like Elmer's glue, so I'm ready to hear some people at Minute Maid say, "What?" I'm picking the San Fransisco Giants to edge out the Houston Astros in that game, but I hope I'm wrong.

Who else wants to go fishing with Luke Scott?

That'd be pretty cool, but there's not much time left to apply, so hurry. There's some money involved, too, so that's probably going to be a nice afternoon on the lake. The only thing that sounds like more fun than that is a speed dating session at Roy O's ranch! When's that contest kicking off, Drayton!?

Quick recovery for Barbara Bush

I think I speak for everyone in wishing Mrs. Barbara Bush a quick recovery. I heard she was at the hospital having some tests done, and it sounds as if she's going to be OK. Maybe she'll be feeling well enough to be at the ballpark with her husband next week. We hope so! Get well soon!

The reason why Greg Abbott is full of shit

2010-03-27T13:24:00.000-05:00

Greg Abbott claims he's a principled man. We all are down here in the great country of Texas. We're a special bunch of people.

Greg Abbott is the attorney general of the state of Texas, and an opportunistic, self-serving asshole. Now those are strong words, and I want you to know I wouldn't say them if I didn't truly believe them to be true.

This is not a blog post about the health care debate. However, remarks he makes in this article did raise my eyebrows, and I am now fully convinced he is either derelict in his duties as A.G., or worse.

"I am going to step up and take on the federal government ... whereas my opponent is willing to sit on the sidelines and criticize those who challenge the federal government," he said in a Dallas Morning News article earlier this week.

Friends, years ago leaders of a Texas state agency (UTMB in Galveston) began firing guns off outside two of my residences and sending death threats to me in the mail, and this man knows about it. In fact, so does everyone who works in that pink sewer in Austin. And I'm still waiting on the fucking trial, or an apology.

I looked up the word principle in the dictionary, because if I'm going to discuss a man of principle, I want to know exactly what it means.

1 a : a comprehensive and fundamental law, doctrine, or assumption b (1) : a rule or code of conduct (2) : habitual devotion to right principles

The principle he adheres to, without question, is protecting the right of Texas to do whatever the fuck it wants, even using fear, intimidation, and then cover up to achieve its goals.

He'll fight the health care bill on principle. He'll point his finger at Washington D.C. and try to convince people that don't know better that D.C. is the problem.

D.C. didn't threaten my life, asshole.

Greg Abbott, man of principle? Depends on what principle you're talking about.

Monumentally full of shit? Definitely.

Applying for some really kickass jobs

2010-03-26T10:59:00.000-05:00

Being employed is a really great thing. It just makes life better. So, I've been looking for just that right job to make everything better.

It's times like these I wish that V.P. position over at Metro was still open. I might call them and see how they're doing on filling that position. Metro's service is growing, so it might be a great time to join the team. Now if they could just get their drivers to pay attention to stop lights.

Some fruitcake in Dallas named Lenore sent me an email to set up a time for a phone interview over a week ago, but hasn't called to talk with me yet. I'll keep you posted. I'm sure it was just an oversight. They're probably just busy, and dying to get me on board. I thought, Wow, I might get to move to Dallas. Well, until goofy HR folks start keeping their appointments, that's probably wishful thinking.

I had a phone interview for a position in the Houston area recently that I thought went pretty well. We'll have to see how that goes. I hope they think I'm a good fit for the team.

I got let go from a job once and the reason I was given was, "You're not a good fit for the team."

If a boss ever says that to you, don't let it get you down. That's actually code for: "You're much better at this than I am, and I fear upper management might realize that some day and my job could be in jeopardy."

Let's keep trudging forward in our search for the right job for John. Won't it be exciting to learn where I end up next? You'll learn about it first, right here. Sounds like it might be time to bookmark this site, doesn't it?

Keep me posted if you hear of anything. I'll relocate to anywhere for the right opportunity.

Remember, it's all about being flexible and a great team player. And that's me, I'm John, Mr. Flexible Team Player. I might even get some business cards made that say that.

I look forward to getting on board at your organization. Should be fun.

Taking a break from Twitter

2010-03-25T16:46:00.000-05:00

To all my followers on Twitter, thank you for the decision to follow me. You are true warriors of the cause. Whatever the cause is.

I'm going to take a Twitter break for a while, due to some issues I'm having with the site. Despite two password changes, someone is still able to access my account and has begun following people and deleting tweets.

That just doesn't feel right to me, so I'm going to take a break until I'm convinced I have control over the account. Can you imagine someone being able to log in to your email and use your account at will? Or publish tweets under your name? Or chose who you follow or unfollow?

I'm sorry. I consider myself moderately intelligent. I just can't figure this situation out anymore.

Please keep an eye on the blog for updates until I get my life back. And keep standing against the maggots of the world.

One day, I'm convinced, all this craziness will make sense. Hopefully.

Question for the Princess prognosticators: Are you failing again?

2010-03-09T11:00:00.000-06:00

We've already picked another Princess for me, haven't we? Only days after I asked you all not to do that in the last podcast, you already have her identified, and are placing undue pressure on her and me. Am I wrong?

I have a feeling I'm right. And since I haven't met anyone new since the last time we talked, you might want to tell me who she is. Is she someone else with a Myspace page that I've never met? Or possibly someone who happened to be in a room I was in for a few hours?

You realize that's how we pick wives for John now.

I should take a moment to address the beautiful women I've been around recently. You're all lovely, and for all I know you might be the most fantastic women on Earth. This is not a criticism of you at all. I'd be honored to meet any of you.

This is, however, criticism of those who continually put undue pressure and scrutiny on women who may or may not want that.

Here's an idea: Why don't we assume I'm completely single and uncommitted until I'm actually dating someone? That way, no one will be in danger of being in error. You still pride yourselves on accuracy, don't you?

I have to let you all in on a secret.

You're rarely accurate.

I haven't met anyone new or been on a date since the last podcast. In fact, I haven't had a conversation with anyone new since that time.

But despite that, I bet we already have her picked out, and are already in the process of making things uncomfortable for her. And I don't think I'm even sure of who this person is you have in mind.

If you've been the victim of the vultures that seem to have nothing better to do than hover around my life and consistently get things wrong, please forgive me.

And like I said on the podcast, my love, whoever you are and wherever you are: If you're interested in me, don't give up.

Princess Podcast Vol. 5: Princess Search Update & Exciting Events Coming Up

2010-02-23T20:27:00.001-06:00

As if he hadn't already given you enough fascinating content to listen to, John now shares some pretty cool stuff that's been happening...and what's happening soon. Also, an update on the Princess search!

Click here to open in a new window.

Special message for Sarah Palin

2010-02-08T12:07:00.000-06:00

I understand there was a goofy Super Bowl party featuring Gov. Rick Perry and Sarah Palin yesterday. If that wasn't so scary it would be hysterical.

I also understand she made a remark that was something to the effect of, "A lot of us in our states proudly cling to our guns and religion." Damn right. Welcome to Texas. And apparently we'll go to any length to protect those who use the former to make a point.

Maybe some of us, including myself, don't read our Bibles like we used to. I do remember, however, one particular verse that certainly fits in this situation:

"Bad company corrupts good character."

What the hell are you doing hanging out with Rick Perry?

You wonder why there were a lot of empty seats? This is a prime example of why I no longer call myself a Republican or Democrat. Politics in this country is a complete turn off.

This thing even smells good

2010-02-05T14:37:00.000-06:00

You can imagine how excited I was, tearing the package open like a five-year-old does on Christmas morning. The UPS driver had just done his job efficiently and effectively, and there I was with yet another gift from the football gods.

This thing even smells good. I just wanted to stare at it for several moments, imagining how I would feel once it actually was on my body. And as expected, the only holes in it are the ones that are supposed to be there.

You want to see a picture? Click this link, but be careful, and prepare yourself for what I experienced just moments ago. Joy.

Imagine it on me, in a room full of Houston Texan fans, finishing their second or third pitcher of beer. Lots of love in that room. A brotherhood of sorts.

Experiencing the greatest and most watched sporting event in the world together, you can imagine I might get a comment or two on how much they like my devotion to the NFL, and arguably the league's best football team (other than the two playing on the TV sets around the room, obviously).

Needless to say, I'm ready for the Super Bowl. Make sure to follow my tweets. I'll let my followers, the best and the brightest on Twitter, know exactly how the party is where I am.

In the mean time, keep on Raider hatin'.

The excitement is growing hourly...Super Bowl in about five days

2010-02-02T16:50:00.000-06:00

Remember how you felt as a kid on the night before Christmas? It's funny, but that's is how I felt last night as I tried to sleep.

I'm so excited about the Super Bowl I can't get a good night's rest!

After doing some reading online, I discovered the New Orleans Saints are playing the Indianapolis Colts this year. That's pretty good, that should be an OK game.

I've been to Indianapolis a couple times, and New Orleans is just down the road, so I'm having a hard time deciding who to root for. I'll probably just root for the team that the majority of people are rooting for where I watch the game. I like to fit in, and kinda go with the flow.

That's one of the reasons I've ordered a new shirt on the Internet for the game. I want people to say, "That guy's pretty cool. He has a really nice, officially licensed NFL shirt just like we do. We like him."

Since no suggestions have come in about a viewing place for the game yet, I've selected several and will make my final decision on Sunday. I'll make sure to tweet once I get there.

Thanks, as always, for keeping up with my blog and/or following me on Twitter. It's nice to have you along!

The Super Bowl is soon, and I still haven't figured out who dat is

2010-01-30T10:10:00.000-06:00

The Super Bowl is soon, and for the life of me I simply can't figure out who dat is!

I'm going to put those thoughts on the back burner for now, and start thinking about where I'm going to watch the game.

I'll come to your place to watch the game if you'd like me to. Send me an e-mail or post a comment to my blog. I might even bring over a tasty pumpkin pie for us to devour. I sure do love pumpkin pie.

Let's get back to the topic: The game. Now, who's playing this year? I don't really care about that, because as you know the Chargers unfortunately won't be there this year. Maybe next year. However, I found a really nice shirt I might purchase for the big game.

I have to let you in on a secret. I'm really only watching for the commercials. They should be especially good this year. I think Peyton Manning might dominate the commercials. That's probably a good thing. Peyton Manning seems like a really nice person.

Where are we watching the game? If I don't hear from you, I'll probably find a sports bar in the Houston area. What's the best public place in Houston to watch the game?

I saw Big Ben! I took a ride on a boat!

2010-01-15T08:15:00.000-06:00

You all should have been there with me! I had a great morning. I saw Trafalgar Square, this place is fantastic. There were these lions sitting on perches. You have to see this.

Remember the big wheel I was going to get on and ride to the top? Apparently that is closed a couple weeks of the year for maintenance, and I happen to be here one of those weeks. No problem, though, I took a boat tour down the Thames River, and saw all kinds of sites. Old buildings, mostly. But they are really nice buildings.

Tower of London. It kinda looks like a miniature castle, right on the river. Bought a sandwich for lunch nearby, and a cup of coffee at this place called Starbucks. Had a good time.

Of course I saw Big Ben. There are a lot of people wandering around down there. Many of them appear to be tourists. There's a lot to see right in that general vicinity. You can catch a boat tour right there in that area, which I recommend. Many thanks to the person that commented on my blog and suggested I do that.

One of the things that is fascinating to me about London is the history here. You'll hear a tour guide talk about a building or landmark that's hundreds of years old, and you realize how young the United States is in comparison.

The people here seem friendly and helpful. They're just like Americans, they just talk a little different and drive on the wrong side of the road. And it seems like they all wear dark clothes. I think everyone in this city owns a long, black coat. It's like a uniform item.

This was a very successful morning/early afternoon by my standards. Glad I came over to visit!

A couple other items of note: Last night, the fire alarm went off at my hotel, causing every guest and a huge party being held here to evacuate to across the street. A fire truck came blaring down the street, and firemen ran in the hotel. I don't think there was a fire, though.

And for what I can tell, it hasn't snowed at all since I've been in London. The weather here seems fine to me. I bet you could even land an airplane here now. ;)

So, where exactly is Manchester?

2010-01-13T22:30:00.000-06:00

These were the words that came out of my mouth yesterday around 7 a.m., when those of us on my airplane flying over the Atlantic were told by the captain that London Gatwick had been shut down due to snow. Heathrow, we were informed, wasn't much better, with at least one plane bound for that airport sent to Amsterdam to land. We were being sent to Manchester.

No problem, I thought. Part of the fun is getting there. I wasn't running late for anything, so a diversion to another city really didn't seem a problem to me. However, how bad would the snow have to be to shut down a London airport and deny us landing at another?

After sitting on the tarmac in Manchester for roughly 3 1/2 hours (unable to get off the plane because we'd all have to go through customs), we were told that the Gatwick airport would not reopen in time to get us there, and we were waiting on word on how we would finally get to London.

So, where exactly is Manchester? Hours north of London Gatwick by bus. To make a very long story short, at 7 p.m. all of us from that plane were still on board several buses tasked with getting us and our luggage to London. Once finally arriving at the airport in London and retrieving my baggage, I got a crash course in London's underground trains from a couple of other helpful passengers, finally finding my hotel around 9 p.m. last night.

So, my first full day here was spent delirious from lack of sleep on buses and trains. However, these were nice buses and trains, and I did enjoy getting to see the English countryside on the drive to London. So, anyway, I'm finally here.

Looking forward to getting out in the next three or four days to see the place. You all take good care of yourselves, and I'll chat with you later.

Interesting places to visit in London

2010-01-05T12:35:00.000-06:00

I searched on Google and found a long list of must-see places in London.

However, one London travel writer sets apart 10 sites that she feels are the most important for visitors. I think I'm going to use this list as a basic guide. I'm really excited about my visit this month.

I want to go all the way to the top of that wheel, and look around. I want to knock on the front door of Buckingham Palace and see if the Queen wants to have tea with me. On second thought, maybe I won't do that. I want to see the place, though. Houses of Parliament? Of course, I've got to see Big Ben.

And how could I possibly miss one of the city's most iconic areas? I'll most likely visit Trafalgar Square. I won't feed any birds there, though.

I board the first airplane in about a week. I hope each of my readers is on that plane as well. We usually have quite a good time flying.

The sites on that list should keep me somewhat busy during the daytime. Where should I go at night? Maybe you live in London or have visited and can help me with this.

I don't mind visiting "trendy" nightspots, but quite frankly, I'm most comfortable and happy in certain types of places. For example, if I was to hear The Bolshoi, The Smiths, Depeche Mode and Nine Inch Nails played in one evening, where would I be? If something like that exists in London, I'll definitely visit.

I'll most likely blog or tweet from over there, so you can keep an eye here for updates.

Where am I celebrating New Year's Eve? Where am I most likely to get a kiss?

2009-12-28T15:20:00.000-06:00

New Year's is rapidly approaching. This is an evening that people frequently go out to enjoy an evening on the town. I'll be in Houston, Texas, for this New Year's Eve, and I've spent considerable time thinking about where I want to be at midnight.

You see, I want to plant my lips right on a pretty girl, at the stroke of midnight. Will you kiss me? You don't have to marry me. Or even date me. But can I have a kiss?

What I discussed in my last blog post is truth. And, the more I think about that, the more I think it's time to break this long stretch of the lack of physical contact. I want you to kiss me. Really.

Someone certainly wouldn't mind kissing me, right? That's a tradition at midnight on New Year's. Again, I won't have a ring with me, and you're not committing to anything beyond a kiss. And either am I, for that matter. But a kiss would be awesome, huh?

Any female is eligible. Well, as long as you don't have a husband, or something like that. Think about it. One mindless awesome kiss right at midnight with no strings attached? Yes!? And if you'd like, I'll feature you here on the blog in the coming days...or we can keep it a secret!

If you see me out somewhere, just be near me as midnight approaches. Make eye contact. I'll get the message.

So, where am I spending New Year's Eve? I wonder, where am I most likely to get a kiss? I'll have to think about this. :)

Kiss or no kiss, Happy New Year to all my readers! Thanks for keeping up with my blog.

How the Tiger Woods situation has me worried about my own philandering

2009-12-21T23:55:00.000-06:00

My goodness, Tiger Woods has really done it this time. He's really messed it up for me and every other philandering man out there.

It sucks, not being able to cheat on the wife or girlfriend I don't have. For example, I walked out of a club the other night, full of hotties, alone and even without a phone number. And frankly, at times I didn't feel like I had to. You might call that striking out. I call it being faithful to a woman I'm not even married to yet. Whoever that may be.

As I sat in the automobile, ready to drive home and masturbate again, I thought to myself, "John, you're it. You might even be the "it" everyone has been talking about in those articles about Tiger Woods. And you haven't even kissed a girl in years? You call this representing the cheating men all over the world? What an embarrassment. You're a complete failure at philandering."

The problem is, every time I read an article or blog post about Tiger Woods, I get a strange feeling inside. Why is that? I'm sure I'm reading something into the text that isn't there, right?

Am I being overly sensitive? Can a sensible (or honest) writer really draw parallels between a married man seeing numerous women behind his wife's back for an extended period of time, and a single guy who hasn't been on a serious date or even kissed a woman in almost a decade?

You're right, that's completely ridiculous. I'm sure I'm being overly sensitive.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to post this and go jerk off again while I fantasize about one of the many woman I'm not cheating on my wife with.

Exclusive video of me being thrown against a car by a military police officer!

2009-12-02T18:06:00.000-06:00

Here is a video I recently digitized from my time in the Marine Corps. Sometime during my stint at Marine Corps Logistics Base, Barstow, Ca., in the early 90s, I began playing industrial/alternative dance tracks at the E-Club.

That's the Enlisted Club, for those of you not familiar with military stuff. This is a video I played occasionally.

The bed jumping took place, if I remember correctly, in a motel room in Santa Monica, California. The underwear dance, as we learned to call it, occurred in the barracks in Barstow.

Many thanks, of course, to the late great Stanley Kubrick for 2001.

And thanks to Uriel, The Cosmic Generator, for being so unique as you float through space, blinking and displaying an assortment of lovely colors.

A special thanks to the Marine Corps Logistics Base military police, for their help in educating everyone in the absolute importance of having a designated driver when necessary.

The four-star you see briefly is Gen. Carl Mundy, Jr., the Commandant of the Marine Corps, during a visit to MCLB, Barstow.

Semper Fi, Devil Dogs.

The Princess Podcast Vol. 4 -- Pretty Interesting Shit

2009-09-15T14:24:00.001-05:00

Join John for the podcast as he discusses some pretty interesting shit. Listen now!

Click here to open the podcast in a different window.

The Princess Podcast: To Perth and Back

2009-08-15T20:26:00.000-05:00

Perhaps you'd like to to spend a couple minutes catching up with me regarding my recent trip to Australia? Press play on the podcast!

Correction: The street I stayed on is actually called Adelaide Terrace, not Aldiene Terrace as I state in the podcast.

Click here to open this blog in another window.

In Perth at hotel after long trek

2009-08-07T04:27:00.000-05:00

Twitter is acting a bit weird today (Having a hard time posting) so I'll have to catch you all up on the blog.

Anyone who says this is a small world didn't just get off the airplanes I just did. This is a very big world and it takes a long time to get to the other side of it.

In the past 27 hours or so, I flew from Houston to L.A., L.A. to the east coast of Australia, then across to the west coast of Australia. Plane from LAX, scheduled for Melbourne, was diverted to Sydney this morning due to bad weather there. Due to the change in destinations, I had to jump on a flight to Perth so quickly that my bags didn't have time to clear customs in Sydney. You can guess what that means.

I'm in Perth tonight with only this computer and the clothes I'd been wearing during those flights. I'm sure the airline is being great about getting them to me ASAP, but it is likely I won't see the bags until tomorrow.

Great trip, otherwise. Again, it's a lot of flying. Flying wears me out. I can't sleep well on airplanes, so I'm about to crash for a little while.

Anyway, I will most likely be here through Wednesday of next week. I'll keep you posted.

By the way, I'm not going to set the time stamp on this blog so all my posts while overseas will reflect Texas time.

Overwhelmed by Princess thoughts at the movies

2009-07-13T04:31:00.000-05:00

Megan Fox clad in a white dress holding a bouquet of flowers during the first 20 minutes of a movie makes almost everything else in a film irrelevant for me.

There are robots, and explosions, and soldiers firing loud, powerful weapons in Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, but it's all filler once I've had to look at that. The course for this film was set when Ms. Fox tried to get her boyfriend to utter the words "I love you" to her in that get-up in it's opening minutes.

The rest of the film is really about distractions. Killer robots causing hate and discontent, other hot chics that at times compete for his attention, and a seemingly unending barrage of explosions, chase scenes and every other type of cinematic thrill you can imagine.

Michael Bay spent a lot of money to keep everyone entertained. And I was entertained. But in the back of my mind the entire time was whether or not this guy was finally going to tell her he loved her, and enter into marital bliss.

For me, this movie was about Megan Fox's character. Let's put aside her physical beauty for a moment, because that really isn't what I'm referring to.

What I liked about this character was not only the dedication she showed to a man she obviously loved, but this constant battle she has with him to get him to admit to feelings we suspect he already has. He makes some bad decisions, like being at some kind of wild dance shindig with other chics while the drop-dead gorgeous woman that loves him is sitting in front of a webcam waiting for him. That didn't make any sense at all.

Then he somehow finds himself in a compromising situation with another female, at the precise moment Ms. Fox walks in his dorm room for a surprise visit. They break up temporarily and get back together, but you sense for most of the film this guy doesn't realize what he has. Have you ever wanted to yell at a movie screen: Dude, that woman is in love with you! What are you doing?

I'm praying for a Princess like this character. She's princessy. She's strong, she's lovely, and seems unwavering in a singular dedication to her man. Friends, this is the type of woman that knows what she wants. A fabulous Princess.

Did I just describe you? You could be my Princess. Please continue reading this blog.

By the way, the film does have a happy ending. If you haven't seen it yet, I do recommend this one. Yes, I guess it's about robots. But it's about love. And the only thing more important than robots and explosions is love.

Wherever you are today -- I love you, Princess.

Random Princess thoughts....

2009-06-18T10:00:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd spend a couple minutes today catching you up on what's been going on. It's a quiet, slow season. Does that make sense? In other words, I'm just waiting on my marching orders from King Jesus and then I'll do whatever is next.

I'd love to talk to you today about music. I have to admit, I haven't been listening to as much Christian music lately. I still love CCM music, but I had to take a break from it for a while because "Undo" was still getting airplay for some reason. I'm kidding.

I did enjoying hearing the new song from my friend Rebecca St. James, "Wish". You can check it out on her Myspace page. As I listened to it, I heard a voice speak to me, deep inside. It might have been the Lord. The voice said, "You're so vain. You probably think this song is about you."

I jest, but for those of you new to the blog, I spent about a year of my life several years ago believing wholeheartedly that I would meet Rebecca, and we would marry, create children and rule and reign together. Even though that door didn't open at the time, I know the Lord still has great plans for each of us. Keep up the fantastic work, sister!

I love to be encouraged by music. I like to be entertained. I like to think about Jesus, as well as think about the Princess. I want you to get a load of this amazing video.

As I watched it, I thought to myself, "Lord, if you gave me a Princess that ubergorgeous and sweet, I'd drink it by the gallon!"

I'm not trying to imply Shirley is the Princess...please do not start any rumors! But, just imagine, somewhere out there a gorgeous woman is waiting for me, and someday you'll all meet her right here!

I've been wondering if this isn't a good season for me just to sit back and wait regarding her -- not to be aggressive in pursuing her. There are, after all, important things in my life that probably should get ironed out before I try to bring a sweetie into it.

Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she is the very catalyst God will use to usher me into the next chapter of my life. I'm not going to pretend I have all the answers right now, because I don't.

But I do have the Word of God, don't I? That's the ultimate authority. I love that! Just read this one for today:

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD" (Proverbs 18:22).

Amen! You know I'm going to just love meeting and falling in love with my Princess...and getting all that extra favor from God! Don't forget to bookmark this site right now. You don't want to miss it. (If you'd like, you can subscribe by e-mail right here.)

So, for now I set my face like flint and I wait. I really fell for this hottie on the Web recently. She was so funny, and amazingly gorgeous, and smart, too! The problem is, I don't think she thought we were a match. Turned out there was this other guy. She wouldn't even follow me on Twitter, for goodness sake! I wept bitterly when I realized she wasn't available, but I know there are more fishies in the sea.

Somewhere out there, the most special girl in the world longs to be with me. You're the one I want. And I'm going to get you.

I found some videotapes from the past that I need to digitize and upload to YouTube. There is a device I need to order that allows me to connect my computer to a VCR via USB to get the stuff. Some of the video is somewhat interesting. There's some stuff from when I was in the Marines, and even some video I shot during and just after high school. I need to get online soon and order that Dazzle thing.

I know this is a long blog entry, but my readers are hardcore. They are loyal. They don't mind taking a few minutes to catch up with me. I love that about them!

So, gorgeous, wherever you are, stay focused. I'm waiting for you!

The Princess Podcast, Vol. 2

2009-06-05T22:30:00.000-05:00

Building relationships -- Reaching the world -- Wooing the Princess

Welcome to The Princess Podcast, Vol. 2. I only got to one of the questions today, but I'm sure we can do this again at some point.

An open letter to the President of the United States

2009-06-04T09:38:00.000-05:00

Dear President Obama:

Pretty good speech today, Mr. President. As you spoke to the Muslim world from that podium in Cairo, I pondered how just letting go of the past is really the best way to handle the situation I'm in, too. I was inspired. We just can't be bound by the points of contention in our past anymore. Excellent job, Mr. President.

It got me wondering about how I could apply that type of desire for peace in my own life. I think it's time to move on. It's time for a new beginning. A fresh start, as it were.

We can do that, Mr. President, as soon as I can pick up some sort of compensation for my time, and what this has cost me. I don't want a bailout. Those are evil, just ask Gov. Perry. I don't want my government to give me something for nothing. Only bums want that kind of handout.

No, I just want the same consideration everyone else got in this situation. Remember, Mr. President, that everyone else involved with this problem (including those who caused it) had the luxury of an income during all this time that I've been fighting the good fight of faith. And, I don't think I need to remind you that I'm standing against activity that you, and your Federal Bureau of Investigation, knows darn well went on.

The threatening of an American citizen, with firearms, by members of a state agency. I bet that kind of crap wouldn't fly in Egypt.

Let's get that check delivered to this address as soon as possible, so we can all put this behind us and embark on the exciting lives we have ahead of us.

Remember, "let's all just put this behind us" works for everyone else in this situation, but me. In your quiet time today, please reread Psalm 25:1-3. It isn't right if everyone else in this situation gets a reprieve, while the one who stood up for what is right gets stiffed. Sorry, sir, but with all due respect to whoever might be standing in the way of doing what is right, that ain't gonna happen.

I did what was right, and you know it, Mr. President. Again, I'm not asking for anything I wouldn't want for you or one of your family members if you were as unfairly treated as I was (and had the fortitude and integrity to stand against it).

Unless there is a massive (and it would have to be massive for it to be taking this long) criminal investigation going on that I don't know about, let's ask those involved to make this right so we all can talk about something else for a change.

Let's stop wasting time, sir. Seriously. I really don't think I'm being unreasonable. "It's over, move on" isn't an answer or solution. And you know that. To get a fresh start I'm going to need resources. Not a handout. I need what I've earned, frankly.

Please tell our Muslim friends I love them dearly, and let them know that God's word never returns void (Psalm 25:1-3). That, along with the American values we cherish and hold dear, is why we need to be fair to everyone involved with this before we can move on. That includes me. As uncomfortable as this truth apparently is for someone, it's what has to be done.

I appreciate your time. Once this is all put behind us, maybe we could meet for burgers in Washington, D.C. when you've got a few minutes.

Sincerely,

John Tyler

Smiling ear to ear

2009-05-19T18:04:00.000-05:00

It's been a great day, albeit tough at times. I've had to keep a smile across my face all day, just praising the Lord with my smiling mug.

I broke up with all my imaginary girlfriends today. We really need to keep our thoughts going in the right direction, and it was tough staying in love with them all in my head. Good thing, too, because it must of been hard on all them sharing the space in my brain.

We are only days away from the second installment of The Princess Podcast. You've been so patient waiting for the next installment. Maybe some of you are hoping what I was hoping, that we'd get some really great questions that would better reveal this "complicated" situation I'm in. Well, apparently it's not as complicated as we first thought. The most juicy question I've got so far was regarding how a friend and I can get together for some coffee.

Don't y'all want to know if I'm a homosexual, drug-dealing pedophile? "When can we have coffee" is really the best y'all can do? Listen, the longer this thing goes on, the less and less I think this is really complicated.

I think there are organizations who just don't feel comfortable admitting to mistakes they've made in the past, and I happen to be stuck in the middle of it. That's why it's complicated. I'm perfectly happy discussing anything with any of you. The fact that no one is asking anything is quite telling.

I heard a great preacher talking yesterday on the Internet, and he was saying how there are just some things in life we're never going to understand. We're just not going to be able to figure certain things out. I agree with him, but I would submit that sometimes the reason we're never going to understand is not because the information doesn't exist, it's because no one really wants to talk about it.

If someone comes over to your house and sees your water hose faucet leaking, and decides to fiddle with it and it breaks it in the process, you may never know who did it. But, just because you don't know who broke your faucet, doesn't mean someone doesn't know the truth. They have decided you'd be extremely upset if you found out, so why not just keep quiet about it? See, it's complicated. They don't want you to know what the heck they did, so this is one of those things in life we'll never understand. We'll just never be able to figure it out.

Again, I'll answer any question you have. My e-mail is johntyler4@excite.com

A pleasant joke

2009-05-18T23:20:00.000-05:00

Condolences to the University of Texas men's tennis team, for their loss today to USC. Maybe this funny joke would help liven the mood amongst the warriors?

An Aggie and a Longhorn were standing side by side at some urinals in a public restroom.

The Aggie finished up first, flushed his urinal, and began leaving the restroom.

"Hey," said the Longhorn, stopping the Aggie on his way out the door. "At the University of Texas we're smart enough to wash our hands after we go to the bathroom."

The Aggie paused before responding.

"Well, at A&M I guess we're smart enough not to take a leak on our hands."

Dream house and podcast comments

2009-05-18T05:36:00.000-05:00

I trust you all are doing great, so I thought I'd say "hello" today. I just want to build all my readers up. You are good and faithful readers. The kind of readers I'd like to have over for a BBQ and get together when the new house gets built.

Yeah, of course, you could be invited. You really should be invited. I'll get in touch with the details when the time arrives. We still have some time to let patience work, so be patient.

Do you ever think about where your dream home would be located? Or what it would look like?

Today, I was listening to more of that fantastic music from years ago (Looking from a Hilltop) thinking about possible dream home locations. I thought about building a home that looks like a UFO, and implanting it halfway into the Hollywood Hills. That way, I could look from from a hilltop, in a UFO.

Too cool! I'd have you all over for a BBQ, party or Bible study, and require that everyone either dresses like an alien or an astronaut.

Maybe a UFO wouldn't be practical. How about something more like this? Of course, the Princess will have to help make these decisions, but it's something to start praying about.

I'll keep you posted. There is obviously more behind the scenes work happening to get everything prepared. Great days are ahead. You might as well get ready! God is about to reverse and restore everything the enemy has fouled up in your life!

Right now, it's important to keep our thoughts going in the right direction...positive, hope-filled thoughts of God's best. Like putting a shoe on the thieving, conniving devil's head. Bliss!

"The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly" (John 10:10).

What did y'all think about our very first Princess Podcast? I liked it, too, especially the part where I spoke directly to the Princess, telling her how gorgeous she is. Girls don't like it when you recognize how pretty they are without also telling them how smart they are. It makes them think you're only interested in the outer appearance.

So, angel, although your photo doesn't say it specifically, you're brilliant. I look forward to long talks filled with your deep, thoughtful musings on life. Oh, while looking into your face, because you are GORGEOUS!

I don't like how I stammered occasionally. My faith never stammers, but my vocals did on my first podcast. You never know who might be listening. The President of the United States, Larry King, Jeff Van Gundy or Tony Blair might stumble onto my blog somehow, so I have to always be at my best.

The Princess Podcast, Vol. 1

2009-05-14T20:33:00.000-05:00

Without further ado, here is the 1st volume of The Princess Podcast. Any questions should be sent to johntyler4@excite.com