Monday, December 22, 2014

King Jesus is celebrating another birthday soon

He must be getting old. Jesus has had a lot of birthdays.

Greeting from Baytown, Texas, where the Christmas spirit is alive and well, and we are prepping for what might be the best Christmas ever!

It's time to light the fires and fill the tires (to 100 psi). I thought I'd start spending Christmas with my Princess years ago, but apparently the devils of life have enjoyed some success holding up the future. Maybe I'll spend some time with her soon.

I hate the devil. He's a real stool. Like a turd in a punchbowl.

But we ain't gonna concentrate on the negative during the Christmas season. God's bigger than our problems! In fact, we don't have any problems. What moron told you we have any problems?

Merry Christmas, everyone. Let's keep smiling and loving life, celebrating everything we've been blessed with and keeping our eyes on the reason for the season: Plastic Baby Jesus!

We celebrate His birth and look forward to many more fantastic birthday parties!

Monday, December 1, 2014

I sense the big turkey was pregnant with love

When you pull a little turkey from a big turkey's behind, that big turkey was pregnant with love.

At least, that's how I see it. It can be a little upsetting or even shocking as you dig the stuffing of life out of a turkey's bottom, only to reveal the little turkey.

Don't lose heart, however, because you only pull out the love inside. The world needs a little more love, right?

We're fans of love here at the blog and don't want to see people weeping over beautiful things. Overwhelming joy must be coming to this young lady in the morning.

Is your turkey pregnant today? Rejoice. That's more love (and more turkey).

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

It is back (Big Hot Pastrami)

This sign recently went up in the Food Town parking lot on Garth Road in Baytown, Texas. They have real tasty sandwiches.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Proudly announcing my new affiliation with

I’m happy to announce a new affiliation with, one of the web’s top destinations for collecting the very latest releases of professional and collegiate sports gear, from jerseys and shirts to memorabilia.

The company features tens of thousands of products on its website, with a huge selection of items currently on sale for up to 60 percent off.

Need to shop early for Christmas? You’ll love the site’s current collection of ugly Christmas sweaters for college, NFL, NBA, MLB and NHL teams.

Please use the code “hatfan20” this week when purchasing hats for another 20 percent off.

Get geared up at right now. Many thanks!

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Blog now added to IT 24/7, enjoying free worldwide exposure to new Internet users

Marching for truth

I’m happy to announce this blog was added to the website rotation at IT 24/7 this weekend, a traffic exchange with global reach that offers unique branding opportunities to marketers everywhere.

IT management describes the community this way:

“IT is a powerful branding tool that gets you very powerful results. The way IT does that is IT creates an environment full of people whom you can like, know and trust.

"When you see a member’s page, you know that page can be trusted.”

IT does personal branding.
IT does business branding.
IT helps you build your list.
IT helps build your social network.
IT gets you FREE website traffic.

I’m excited to have joined this community of global online marketers, and I look forward to a fruitful and growth-oriented relationship as we continue to inform the world!

Even zombies getting on board

I’ve used traffic exchanges for years to promote my websites, but found this exchange to be a unique, interesting addition to my promotion arsenal.

If you aren’t yet a member or would like to learn more about the site, click either of the graphics used in this post or simply click here to go directly to IT 24/27 right now.

Thanks again to the traffic exchange industry and its committed global cadre of users for your continued help in promoting my blog and other sites. I know every minute I spend using a traffic exchange is time well invested!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Like usual, Arian Foster is wrong

What the NFL needed today was someone with the proven moral character of Arian Foster to comment publically about the Ray Rice situation.

Only someone caught banging another woman behind his wife's back, then disowning his own child born out of wedlock and suing the baby's mom, could think Rice's knock-out punch of his own wife was none of our business.

Is the Houston Texans public relations team mentally retarded? This overpaid fruitcake (the Turds gave him $43.5 million last year to show his ass on TV) has answered every question fired at him by the media in the past month with a smirk, "I'm just out here trying being the best teammate I can be."

If I worked for that PR squad (which would never happen because I have standards), I would have told that idiot to run from news cameras like the plague as soon as that Rice shit hit the news. Instead of talking about how hard he and his teammates are working to prepare for Sunday (go Raiders!), he says that all the kids with Ray Rice posters on their walls, all the parents that put those posters there, along with all the Ravens fans that pay his $40 million contract are out of line for questioning the indefensible.

Kids all over the country continue to look up to these degenerates. Greedy billionaires continue to give scumbags multi-million dollar contracts. Unsuspecting fans continue to scream when scumbags run into the building and onto the field.

And what happens to people who question these practices?

Don't worry. I'm sure this will all get fixed. For years the Texans GM Rick Smith has stated again and again, "We're going to do what's best for our football team."

Whatever, dude. Why don't you start by keeping that loser away from news crews?

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Celebrating a new NFL season, “Great memories” focuses on football in the coming days

With a new NFL season kicking off tonight, I think we should spend some days remembering those artists that used football as a means to show solidarity for the cause.

As I looked for videos to feature on my Twitter page in the coming days, I noticed a common theme arise. NFL teams on the West Coast seem to have this thing right more frequently than other organizations. That may or may not actually be the case, but that is the way it will often seem as you watch the videos I have lined up.

You may think I’m showing loyalty to one team or another here, but I’m primarily showing loyalty to the fans and the artists that have used their art to build this thing.

If you really want to know where my loyalties lie, take a look as this incredible new shirt I purchased on the Internet for this season. Wouldn't Lucy Liu look fantastic in something like that?

If you’ve seen an artist that has produced a song or video supporting a team anywhere that needs to be featured here, email me any time at I’d love to post videos about the Colts, Ravens, Cardinals, Jets, etc., if they fit the format. If you don’t know what I mean by “fit the format,” simply watch the videos I post this week and I think you see and hear a commonality.

Again, West Coast teams seem to have a distinct advantage in this effort, so far. But that’s fine by me. You all know how much I love the West Coast, and I’ve been a resident out there on several occasions during my life.

During this season, you may occasionally hear people say “that’s it” or “game over,” but what that really means is “the best is yet to come!” Keep watching.

Let’s have a fantastic season. Go Oilers!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Tyler reveals 'secrets' to gaining 260,000 Twitter followers in first eBook


HOUSTON - (8/26/14) - Award-winning public relations and marketing professional John Tyler reveals the "secrets" to building a mammoth following on Twitter in his first eBook, available at major online retailers today.

In How to Easily Attract a Rockstar Following on Twitter (Even Before You're Rich and Famous), Tyler gives readers the same simple, duplicatable process he used daily to skyrocket his follower count on the social network from roughly 300 to more than 260,000 followers.

Additionally, Tyler teaches a simple strategy any Twitter user can utilize without spending money.

"People have seemed baffled at times, wondering how I was able to build a following that exceeds many public figures or large organizations, without media mentions or a current public platform," said Tyler. "I now give individuals and businesses the same strategy, so they can enjoy the increased exposure and prominence that comes with a large Twitter following."

The eBook is available for immediate download for the Kindle at or from Tyler's blog at

-- 30 --

Friday, August 22, 2014

You can be pissed at President Obama, but make sure you're pissed for the right reasons

I watched a cable news network criticizing the current president of the United States today for playing golf the day after we learned a worthless scumbag terrorist beheaded an American journalist on video.

Why are you criticizing President Obama on television for something the previous president did as well?

American presidents like to play golf after terrorists execute people, apparently. Golf must help them relax. If you want to bitch about something Obama does, make sure you bitch about others who do the same thing. Should we all stop playing golf because evil people do stupid shit?

We live in America, and you can criticize the president for any reason. Make sure when you criticize the president, it's for something he needs to be criticized about.

There are many reasons to criticize the current president. Golf doesn't make the list.

Watch the video clip starting at 1:50, and find something better than golf to complain about.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Precision Auto Repair in La Porte, Texas, says to keep doing epic stuff

Precision Auto Repair in La Porte, Texas, has a new message for everyone on State Highway 146 (and now the Internet).

Keep doing epic stuff, and go forth and be a force of the awesome.

I graduated from high school in La Porte, Texas, years ago.

There isn’t enough room on the sign to tell you what you need to know, though. When you start doing epic stuff, opposition comes at times from every direction. The demon possessed, the haters and the maggots will attack, but you’ll stand strong as long as you stay true to who you are, and keep doing more epic stuff!

When you do epic stuff, you’ll see amazing things. Strongholds will fall. Your critics and accusers will be silenced. And even in those times that the crap seems to come at you continually, you’ll experience a sense of ease that accompanies life and frees you to just keep being you.

When you’ve done everything you can to stand, you’ve just got to keep on standing. And don’t forget to keep on doing more epic stuff!

Here’s another example of something that happens when we decide to do epic stuff, and go forth and be a force of the awesome: Great memories happen with sexy space-chicks floating in the cosmos, freeing the captives and fighting against the enemies that would drag us down and spoil our day. Epic!

Monday, August 11, 2014

Photos of a younger John with siblings, new Oilers tailgating gear, and the Numbers mural

Now she has a baby of her own named Kitty, but back then she was the baby. Here is a photo of me holding my little sister, Erin. My mother took this photo in the late 1970s at our home in a small beach town south of Los Angeles, California. I’m proudly wearing my “Houston Earlers” shirt (honoring Earl Campbell), worn and washed so many times that the letters are peeling off.

Solidarity. Oilers fans always seem to stick together. My mother took this photograph of my sister Jennifer and me in the early 1980s. During this time, we lived in the Clear Lake City area, south of Houston, Texas.

We have plenty of cups for tailgating. My roommate went to a pretty cool garage sale and brought home a myriad of cups honoring the Greatest Football Team. I’ve been checking eBay for parking passes to get into the NRG Stadium parking lot in the near future. That’s a pretty good party on game day, and a fantastic opportunity for fans to get their photo on this blog (if they’re dressed properly).

It’s been a big responsibility owning this town. I enjoyed seeing this billboard again south of downtown Houston (the same billboard was on the opposite side of Interstate 45 several months ago). You know how much I enjoy beauties on the dance floor, almost as much as I enjoy life itself. I’ve also been known to enjoy vodka a time or two, but that’s our secret. Well, I guess that’s not a secret anymore. Vodka tonic is my favorite drinky. I'll have to try some of this New Amsterdam sometime.

Speaking of that, look at what they’ve done to Numbers! I’m impressed. An artist has painted a mural on an outside wall featuring many of the artists that we grew up listening to there. Morrissey, Al Jourgensen, Trent Reznor, Robert Smith, David Bowie, Sisters of Mercy, Blondie, etc. I haven’t been inside in a while, so I might make an appearance soon.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Back to Football: Lucy Liu and John Tyler welcome the Houston Oilers back to the NFL

Finally we can kiss this Texans silliness goodbye. Get ready for Columbia Blue, NFL. The way it was supposed to be.

eBay Auction of the Week: Front pages featuring Houston Rockets second world championship

This week's featured auction is for the front page of the Houston Chronicle, and the front page of 1995 NBA Finals special section, the morning after the Houston Rockets won their second consecutive NBA championship.

Both pages are laminated and ready for framing, in good condition.

See Hakeem Olajuwon and Clyde Drexler on the floor of The Summit with the Larry O'Brien Championship Trophy, and read the coverage of their sweep against the Orlando Magic.

These are a must for any collector of NBA or Houston Rockets history.

Thank you, and good luck bidding!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Exclusive sneak peek at Tyler's first eBook, read the 'Introduction' here

The following is an excerpt from John Tyler's new eBook, How to Easily Attract a Rockstar Following on Twitter (Even Before You're Rich and Famous). The eBook is available for immediate download by clicking here.


I initially set up my Twitter account in February 2009, after several months of reading various articles on the microblogging service and staring at a selection of Twitter pages I found interesting.

Everybody, it seemed, was getting on board and utilizing this unique service. Having blogged for several years, I became curious about the power of publishing short, 140-character messages to promote longer blog posts.

I fought signing up for some time, however, thinking this fad called Twitter was just something else I had to learn how to use that would soon fall into obscurity.

We now know that Twitter is far from being a fad. In 2013, Twitter's Alexa ranking placed it among the top 10 most visited sites on the Internet.

Twitter is a vital piece of your online efforts. It's free, global, and incredibly easy to use.

Shortly after signing up, I became frustrated at times with the difficulty of growing my number of followers. I would look at larger accounts and wonder, What is it that they are doing that I'm not doing? No matter how clever or insightful I felt my tweets were on any given day, I might pick up a follower or two every once in a while. I stayed under 300 followers for a very long time.

By stumbling upon the methods I teach you here, I've been able to skyrocket my follower count to more than 260,000 since that time.

People or organizations with large platforms already established outside of Twitter, or folks often featured in the media, don't have a problem attracting tens of thousands (or many more) followers on Twitter. Those of us who do not have access to that type of exposure right now must find unique or outside-the-box methods for generating a huge following.

Some people might argue that desiring a mammoth following on Twitter is narcissistic, but I highly disagree. Anyone who creates content wants a larger audience. If you owned a newspaper, and someone approached you with an opportunity to quadruple your readership, you'd jump at the idea. If you wrote a book, and someone offered you a chance to go from 10,000 copies sold to 100,0000 copies sold, would you be considered narcissistic if you said "yes"?

Of course not. Wanting to grow your footprint on Twitter says less about your psychology than it does about how you value your time and effort. If you feel your words have value (and they do), it only makes sense that your words reach as many people as possible.

Another reason you should want a large following on Twitter is the perceived value we ascribe to people or businesses with larger accounts. If you have 24 followers, and your best friend at school has 89 followers, who looks like thy are the more desirable person, whether that's right or wrong? If your small business has 650 followers, and your main competitor has 3,500 followers, you send a message that your competitor is more popular with consumers and a more trusted expert in your field. You don't want that, and it doesn't have to be that way.

That's not to say you don't have to concentrate on being the best person possible, or providing a superior product or service. You know how good you are at doing what you do, so it's time the people visiting your Twitter page see you as a leader.

As I previously mentioned, my account grew agonizingly slow until I started using the method I teach you here. My username hasn't appeared in the press or on other web sites (other than my sites) as a means of promoting it. But it's grown nonetheless.

An associate of mine years ago was floored when he followed me on Twitter, unable to fathom how I had so many followers. I think I only had about 150,000 at the time. "That's celebrity status!" he declared. I've never considered myself a celebrity, but I understand how someone might think that from such a large number.

You can duplicate what I've accomplished, if you commit to this process. If someone asked me to give one word that encapsulates how I've been able to do this, that word would be "dedication."

What I teach you to do here is easy, if you have the knowledge. Once you know how this process works, it's just a daily routine. If you stay dedicated to doing this simple routine every day (or several times a day), you'll grow exponentially over time, baffling your friends, associates and competitors.

Before I get started teaching you the actual process, here are a few things I'd like for you to do right now:

1) Get a global vision - I've build an international following using this method. Don't just think about how you are seen in your local community. I want you to think about how you're seen on the other side of the planet. There are literally thousand upon thousands of people all over the world waiting to follow your account. To grow fast, you will need to attract these people to your account in great numbers.

2) Identify leaders or competitors - Find several Twitter accounts that have followers you'd like to attract. This may be based on some common interest, hobby, or your chosen profession. If you are a small business, this is where you want to think locally. Jot down several accounts that attract followers you'd like to see following you.

3) Follow me on Twitter - I want to be your first new follower! If you follow me right now at @johntylertweets, I'll follow you back (usually within 24 hours).

Let's get started!

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Now more than ever, she wants to be my realtor (and she's in Columbia Blue)

You remember my realtor, right? If the ultra-rich and well-connected are getting dressed properly and talking about the worldwide great success story, something exciting must be on the horizon! Let's keep an eye on this blog for future developments. You know me, I love to share good news. Bookmark this site, or simply enter your email address on the right side of this page, and I'll drop you a note whenever I post something new. Click here to watch full commercial.

How do you celebrate the completion of your first eBook? An elegant meal. I microwaved that chicken for about two-and-a-half minutes, and then stirred the potatoes and heated it up for another minute or two. I washed it down with an ice-cold, Bud Light Platinum. That eBook is coming very soon. I'm going to teach you how to do this Twitter stuff! Enter your email address to receive immediate notification.

Here's a photo of quite possibly the coolest dude in the whole world. He's sings real pretty, and I really like that jacket. Nice shade of blue. The photo makes you wonder what he's singing about. Pain? Hardship? No, these are exciting times! Just ask the rich lady at the top of this post.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Gov. Perry of Texas tells Sean Hannity he's going to be on the border tonight. In the river.

If you ever need some fun on any given day, search online and see if Rick Perry, governor of Texas, has been interviewed anywhere.

Weirdness is pretty much par for the course when it come to the elected folk in this state, but we really have put the most entertaining at the very top.

Last night, he told Sean Hannity that the talk show host would be "down on the border, in the river" tonight. It wasn't just what he said, it was how he said it.

Hannity is on the Texas border tonight to see the horrible situation currently going on down there, with all those children needing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a ride home, in my opinion.

Do we allow minors to wander state to state, without adults, in America? No, we call them runaways, and we send them back to their parents or a relative. Which is exactly what needs to happen in this situation. It just seems like common sense to me.

Anyway, I need to get to a TV set as quickly as possible so I can see Hannity in the river.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Something BIG is coming! Paul McCartney dressed extremely well last night

When the great warriors begin to rise up in the right clothes, you know something big is on the horizon! Paul McCartney returned to the stage in New York last night showing solidarity for the cause. Sharply dressed, and I'm sure sounding fantastic, he dazzled the crowd with his only wardrobe change of the evening. "It's great to be back," he assured the crowd, returning from the hospital after a viral infection.
Photo credit: New York Daily News

Meanwhile, more than 1,600 miles away in Houston, Texas, Deborah Wrigley, veteran reporter for the city's ABC affiliate, wowed the audience in a gorgeous Columbia Blue dress. She looked wonderful and appropriately dressed. Just like Paul McCartney.

I don't know where this girl came from. She just appeared on the news about a month or so ago, but seems to be on board with what the good people are trying to accomplish. She looks lovely in that color. Let's support her in her efforts to get the word out. This story is about a new reality show hosted at the Houston hospital I was born in and down the street from where I worked for years, so I'm looking forward to that.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Yes! The media has apparently decided they want the Houston Oilers back

I support that as well. Let's go ahead and get with the NFL to find out what the first steps are in the process to make that change. Thank you.

Houston police revive Texans excitement in city by dressing purse-snatching thug in team jersey

The Houston Police Department hosted a demonstration yesterday to assist women in defending themselves against purse-snatching maggots, dressing the thug in a jersey of the current local NFL team.

The communications department at the team must be loving this, with a local grocery store parking lot transformed into a crime scene yesterday. And the crooks? Here's a photo of them speeding away with that poor lady's purse.

We finally have Texans colors back on TV in Houston!

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Her smile is so pretty, even when she's writing on a clipboard (and the Pope looks shocked)

Her smile is so pretty, even when she's writing on a clipboard! Write this down: "John must really think well of me." And keep that pretty smile on your face!

If I was to call KPRC consumer reporter Amy Davis, I might say, "Please find out for us what is so undesirable about the current Houston football team that would cause all these local and national reporters to wear the colors of a team that left town years ago." I can't put words in her mouth, but I can imagine her response would be something like, "John, you know the Houston Oilers will always be Number 1." And she'd be right.

Even Miya Shay, a reporter that covers City Hall for Houston's KTRK, is willing to go downtown in Columbia Blue. Maybe it's time to call Bud Adams' family and see if we can somehow finagle the logo and colors back from the Tennessee Titans.

Or maybe it's just time for some queso. I have no idea what these people are up to. It seems like they just try to act silly sometimes, right? I think you know what time it is it's time to get ill.

He's amazed or shocked, apparently. You can't really blame him. There is so much amazingness all around us every day. It's everywhere I look now. I constantly find myself saying, "Wow. That's unbelievable," or "My goodness, this thing has grown exponentially."

This is Fresh Beast. Her name defies her behavior at times, as she enjoys taking turds from the cat box with her mouth and throwing them on the carpet. Other than that, she is a pleasure to have around and we've enjoyed her presence immensely. Fresh Beast joined us at the house about a month or so ago.

Global traffic. I think people could be looking at this blog on every continent of the world in which there's an Internet connection. This is a screenshot from several days ago, but it pretty much looks similar every day now.

Melissa Wilson, a media contact from my health care days, looks absolutely stunning this morning in the color of a long-departed football team (again). When you consider how effective I was at finding the positive medical stories at an institution and getting those stories on the TV set (and what an absolute pleasure I was to work with), you must wonder why I'm not doing that today. I wonder that as well.

Who else is looking forward to a healthy 4th of July party plate? Let's all get dressed in Oilers gear sometime and get silly!

Her so smile is so pretty, even when she's celebrating with coworkers!

Monday, June 30, 2014

Reporter broadcasts live from the Supreme Court steps in fantastic Columbia Blue dress

Gorgeous! I'm so proud of Shannon Bream. She obviously spent a lot of time and effort making sure she looks perfect this morning.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

More Columbia Blue goodness, and how to accessorize an already perfect outfit

Meteorologist Casey Curry of Houston's ABC affiliate, KTRK, amazed us this morning in a stunning Columbia Blue dress. She is part of a weather team that has shown a reluctance at times to "get with the program" if you know what I mean, so seeing her appropriately dressed made for a pretty pleasant pot of coffee this morning.

Katrina vanden Heuvel, editor and publisher of The National, looks absolutely lovely in a sharp Columbia Blue jacket this morning on ABC's This Week.

Anyone need to accessorize an already perfect Columbia Blue outfit? A friend found this patch for sale at a local mall.

When placed on your dress or blouse (as seen in this photo from the Reliant Stadium parking lot), you can turn any Columbia Blue loveliness into a Derrick Dolls masterpiece!

With or without the patch, however, you are all Derrick Dolls to me.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Houston's Fox26 News reporter shows up at Reliant parking lot this morning in Columbia Blue

Sally MacDonanld of Houston's Fox 26 News reported live from NRG Park (the Reliant Stadium parking lot) this morning dressed in a very pretty Columbia Blue shirt. Lovely.

As is Harris Faulkner. You look fantastic!

This reporter with Houston's CBS affiliate KHOU has just impressed me so much. What a beautiful Columbia Blue outfit on a beautiful girl.

Fox's Gretchen Carlson hosts her program today dressed elegantly and in the color of the Greatest Football Team. The Houston Oilers.